Show Me How To Love
by wwefaneam41
Summary: Sequel to How To Love. We're back with John and Kendall. How are their kids doing? How is little Alanna doing without her parents? And did what Kendall said to John have any effect on him? JohnCena/OC AU
1. Chapter 1

**I'm back, and I've done this earlier than I was going to, just because I couldn't wait. ****I wanted to wait until I had this story totally finished before I uploaded it, but with all the requests I've gotten, I couldn't keep you all waiting for it. But, I'm not going to update it on a daily basis. More like a weekly basis, I want to upload it every Friday just so that I'll give myself plenty of time to get the newest chapter beta-ed (yes this story has been beta-ed) and so that I wont feel rushed. I want to give you all something that you'll enjoy and something that I'll feel proud to give you, not something that feels blah.**

**I would like to give a big thank you to _butterflydance21_. She has been an amazing help with this story as well as another that is in the making. Definitely make a point to look at her stories It's All About Control and The Rescue. They are amazing and she does an amazing job with them! **

**So, again, the next chapter wont be up until next Friday. I know that's a long time to wait, but it gives me time to write what I feel is good enough to give you all. Thank you so much for all of the support from How To Love and I hope you like the sequel just as much, if not more!  
>-Ellie<strong>

* * *

><p>"<em>Welcome back to 60 Minutes: The Orton Family Story. I am your host, Steve Kroft, and up next we have an inside look into the families surrounding the Orton's. Now, to protect this young women and her family, we have agreed to keep her off-screen but she has been in full compliance with us when it comes to answering questions about what it is like living around crime."<em>

_The camera spun to look at a figure sitting in shadows and then back at Steve Kroft._

"_I am under the impression, my dear, that you and Randy Orton were close friends. Do you mind explaining how that happened?" he asked._

"_We grew up together, more or less. Our families worked together and helped each other out. Many times, when I wasn't in school, I was spending time in at the Orton house," the women answered from within the shadows._

"_And as adults, were you close friends still?"_

"_Yes sir. Randy actually moved his family closer to my husband's hometown when he found out that I was pregnant. He was always very protective of me and he always looked out for me when he could," she explained._

"_So, you're married. Does your husband know about your and Randy's family's past?"_

"_Yes, my husband knew Randy before he and I even got together," she said, nodding even though no one besides Steve could actually see it._

"_I didn't know that. How long were you and your husband together before you got married?" the older man asked causing the women to look at her lap._

"_One week."_

_A gasp was heard around the recording studio as she answered. That wasn't one of the practiced questions but the women had promised to answer anything thrown her way. She knew what she was getting into and had sworn that she was doing it for Randy, for his memory. The things people were saying about him just weren't right. She couldn't let him be remembered in such a terrible light._

"_One week? Seven day is all it took for you to know that he was the one?" Steve questioned._

"_It was eight days. I was told on a Friday that I was to marry him because my family had done something wrong against my husband's family. I married him on a Saturday. It is what happens, for the most part, when you are born into a family who does not care about their daughters," she told him._

"_And you said you have children?"_

"_Yes, we have three."_

"_Will your children also have arranged marriages?" he asked._

"_No. That is something that I have fought, tooth and nail, on. I will not let my children be used as some kind of pawn the way I was. It is a dangerous game that my husband and his family plays and I don't want my kids to be a part of it," she said vehemently._

"_What does your husband have to say about that?"_

"_I simply brought up the reasons for my fears. I reminded him of all the things I went through with my family as a child and everything they did to me. That seemed to change his tune, for now at least," she sighed._

"_You talk a lot about your husband and his family, but do you see your family?"_

"_No, I am not allowed to see my family. And even if I was, I would choose not to. My family has done many horrible things to me, but what hit the nail on the head for me was when they sent me away to marry my husband. My father does nothing without getting money out of it and just after being taken to my husband's home; I was informed that he had given me away for free when there were many offers on the table for me. Now many would think of me as shallow for saying that, but if you grew up the way I did you would see that I'm not being shallow. My father was all about getting money, any way he could get money he would. But he jumped at the chance to get rid of me, and he did it for free. My own father didn't want me, it messed me up pretty bad," the women admitted._

"_Why aren't you allowed to see your family?"_

"_They thought that by sending me away to get married, I was just causing another distraction to my husband's family. They told me that they wouldn't stop screwing around with their orders and then my husband's family would take it out on me. When I told my husband, he was furious," she shrugged._

"_Do you love your husband?" Steve asked._

_The women sat there for a minute and Steve was sure that she was going to refuse to answer the question. Personally, he had thought it was a little too intimate for live television, but the producers believed that since she was not showing her face, all was fair in love and war. He couldn't argue with that._

"_I don't know how to love, Steve. At one point, I thought I did. But the one man I ever really loved was taken from me and I shut myself down to everyone besides my kids. Randy Orton was the greatest man I've ever met in my entire life. He was an amazing dad, a fantastic husband, and a loving friend. He tried everything he could to make the most out of what he was given. Us, the younger generations, we didn't ask for this lifestyle. We didn't want this lifestyle, we were thrown into it. Randy was pulling himself away, he was distancing himself from all of the illegal things his family did and I was so proud of him for that. But now he's gone and he took a piece of my heart with him that I don't know if I can ever get back."_

**Xxx**

I pushed myself off the bed when John rolled off of me, not even giving him time to reach out for me. I knew that if I did I would be stuck in his bed for as long as he wanted and I didn't want to deal with that. There were other, more important, things I could be doing. Like tending to our children.

"Just hold on one minute, Kendall," he growled, getting out of bed after me.

I continued to walk away, grabbing my shorts and tank top on the way to the door. His arms went around my waist, pulling me to his chest and I fought against him as he picked me up off the floor. When he turned me around in his arms and I saw that look in his eyes, I knew something was wrong. They had this glazed over look in them and I couldn't understand what I'd done this time.

"John, I have to get the kids-"

"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up," John shouted causing me to flinch in his arms, "I told you to hold on. Now you are going to stay here and listen to what I fucking have to say. Got it?"

I nodded my head, too afraid to speak, but was stopped when I felt the wall hard against my back. John pulled the clothes out of my hands before pulling me away from the wall, just slightly. Then, without any warning, he slammed me back against it, knocking the air from my lungs. Closing my eyes to stop the tears only brought sounds of something ripping and when I opened them back up, he was holding a roll of duct tape in his hands.

"I saw this episode of Dr. Phil a few weeks ago when I was typing up reports. Some psycho women duck taped her kid to a wall. First, she duct taped his sippy cup, and then she duct taped his whole body," John said calmly, "A few hours later I was watching 60 Minutes. Can you guess what I saw?"

"Wait, are you telling me you're going to duct tape the kids to the wall? John, if you go anywhere near my kids with duct tape, I will-"

"You really are stupid aren't you," he laughed, "No, I'm not going to duct tape _our_ kids to a wall. I'm going to duct tape their bitch of a mother to the wall because she can't seem to fucking follow directions."

**John's POV**

Kendall tried to push away from the wall but I was standing too close to her. Her grey eyes were wide and her chest was rising and falling rapidly. Dumb bitch needs to learn her place.

"I didn't do anything," she whispered as I started taping one of her wrists above her head.

"Does a show called 60 Minutes ring a bell, Kendall?" I snapped, roughly yanking the other arm and taping that one too.

"You never said I couldn't do that interview-"

I cut her off by grabbing onto her chin, "I never said you could do it either. When the fuck were you going to tell me that you exposed our family? Do you realize we could have the cops knocking on our door now? You put my family and my business in danger."

"I did ask you, I tried to ask you and you told me that you didn't care what I did. And I did that interview just after the twins were born, John. That was three years ago, I doubt that the police are going to be coming around now," she argued.

I ignored her and got back to taping her to the wall. Her ankles and knees were next and after making sure they were secure, I put more tape on her wrists to ensure she couldn't pull away from the wall. It was a great idea, using duct tape, but I'd never do it to a kid.

"What about the kids?" she whispered.

"What about them?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the duct tape that I was now applying to her waist.

"I need to get them ready. Alanna has school today and-"

"Do you think I'm not capable of taking care of my own kids, Kendall? We will be perfectly fine without you breathing down our necks all day and I'm sure Nova and Noelle will enjoy the fact that you aren't nagging them to clean up their toys and sit on the potty," I told her.

"You can't just leave me here like this, John. I have things that need to get done," she said, her voice rising so that she was almost yelling at me.

"Oh, well I guess you'd better tell me what you need to get done or put it off until tomorrow. Unless you're doing another interview about 'life on the inside'," I said patting her cheek before walking out of the room.

She started screaming when I got to the door so I turned around and headed to my dresser. After pulling out a sock I walked back to her and stuffed it in her mouth. Before she could spit it out, I placed another piece of duct tape over her lips and kissed the tape.

"Maybe this will teach you to be more obedient instead of being the stuck up bitch you seem to like portraying lately," I said with a sarcastic smile before walking away to get the three kids ready for the day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Yes, I do know that today is not Friday. But because of the great response, I decided to treat you early this week! So, here is chapter 2. I hope you like it!**

* * *

><p><strong>John's POV<strong>

Nova, Noelle, and I had just gotten home from taking Alanna to school. She was so proud to finally be in first grade and going to school all day, every day. It was a mile stone that I wished she could have shared with Randy and Sam, though in the past three years she seemed to be adjusting into our family just fine. She loved doting on her younger siblings and she loved helping Kendall out whenever she needed it.

The younger two ran inside the large house and to their playroom as I admired their differences. They were definitely fraternal twins, though if you looked close enough you could see their similarities. Nova took after Kendall and he was definitely a Momma's boy. His light blonde hair and grey eyes were a mirror image of his mothers, but when he smiled that's when he looked just like his sister and his dad. Their dimples stood out on their little cheeks and I couldn't help but be proud of the fact that I had given them that little piece of me.

Noelle, on the other hand, had a head full of dark blonde hair and bright blue eyes that glittered all the time. There was no denying that she had me wrapped around her tiny fingers and I would bend over backwards for her. Kendall had actually accused me of favoring Noelle over both Nova and Alanna once, then went on to explain how detrimental it was to not play favorites especially with Alanna being adopted. I had to refrain from smacking her upside the head.

"Where are my favorite three godchildren?" a loud shrill voice called throughout the house after the front door slammed.

I shook my head and turned around only to be met by Tasha Baretta, "They are your only godchildren. One of them is at school, two of them are playing. And why are you on this side of the continent? Aren't you supposed to be spending some more of my money at school?"

"Well, it is December, John boy. And you got what you wanted so why do you keep throwing it in my face? Sean has already promised to pay you back everything that you've paid for my tuition," she said, glaring at me.

"Tiny, it was a joke-"

"No, John it wasn't. Jokes are funny and I've been hearing that 'joke' for the past three years. I'm sick of it. You didn't have to pay for all four years all at one time," she nearly growled, "You make it seem like Nova and Noelle aren't enough for you. Like everything you've done to Kenny isn't enough? God damn, John. You've nearly broken her in half, you've broken her heart, you made her fall in love with you, but it's still not good enough for you."

"You don't know anything about my marriage, Tiny," I countered.

"And you don't know anything about your wife," she scoffed, "Speaking of Kendall, where is she?"

Now, it was my turn to be smug, "She's busy."

"With what? She knew I was going to be home today, she said she'd be around the house all day with the kids other than when she brought Alanna to school. That's why I didn't come over until now," Tiny said, going over her thoughts.

I rolled my eyes, "I guess she's a little tied up at the moment."

Tasha's eyes flashed dangerously, "What do you mean 'tied up'?"

"Eh, more like taped up, but either way she can't come out to play," I admitted.

"What the fuck!"

"Did you know she did that damn interview with 60 Minutes?" I asked suddenly, my voice and eyes softer.

"That was three damn years ago, jack ass. You're just now getting pissed off about that?" she asked incredulously.

"Tiny, I'm just now finding out about it. I was at the office late the other night and apparently they were playing re-runs and picked that one," I told her before looking up at her, "What did he have that I don't?"

"Don't start on this damn pity party now, John. She told you what she wanted, what she expected. She told you what it would take and after three years you still haven't stepped up to the plate. Kendall thinks it's her. She thinks there is something wrong with her, that you can't love her because she isn't good enough for you," Tasha practically yelled and I knew that she was going beyond all girl code, "She calls me when you're at work, crying because she can't figure out what to do to make you notice her. You completely ignore her unless you want something from her and even then you barely acknowledge her."

"That is not true at all! She fights me on everything, even simple things-"

"Because she knows you can do the simple things yourself!"

"I shouldn't have to do it myself, damn it! I got a wife for a reason! I didn't want to do stupid shit, I wanted someone to do it for me," I shouted back at her, "She knew that going into this marriage. I don't know what she told you, but I specifically told her that I expected her to be doing things for me and she told me that's what she was used to."

"Daddy, no yell at Aunt Tasha," a small voice said as an even smaller hand slipped into mine.

I looked down to see Nova looking up at me, with a deathly glare on his face that he definitely learned from his mother, and Noelle pulling on my hand, "I'm sorry guys. I didn't mean to yell."

Tasha bent down to their level, "I'm sorry too, guys. I've missed you little munchkins so much. Can I get a hug?" Both kids ran to her, giggling loudly as she picked them both up in her arms and spun them around before setting them back down on the floor. "I'm gonna go see if I can find your momma."

"Momma not feels good. She not wanna get us sick, so she gonna stay in bed," Nova told her with a slight frown, "Momma gonna be okay?"

"I'll make sure your momma's just fine," she promised before walking towards the stairs. It was a promise that she was going to break because she wasn't going to be able to get to Kendall.

**Kendall's POV**

My arms were so sore. And I couldn't hold my head up any more. John had been rough when we'd had sex earlier and now everything hurt. My legs were starting to hurt and I couldn't bend my knees because those were taped to the wall too. I must have looked a hideous mess from the tear tracks that were already dried on my face. This was the last straw. I give up on trying; I give up on fighting for him. How can I be in love with a man who is a monster inside? What kind of man does this to the woman who loves him?

I heard the lock click and the door slowly open, but I couldn't make myself look up. I couldn't look at him because every time I did, I knew I would feel my heart break all over again. He had done what I thought was impossible and he never cared. He will never care.

"Are you sorry for doing the interview?" he asked finally, after staring at me for a few seconds.

Without looking at him, I slowly shook my head. I flinched when he growled and was suddenly standing so close to me that he was practically touching me. I couldn't be sorry for it. It was a source of closure for me; it helped me deal with the death of two of my best friends. How can I apologize for that?

"Are you sorry for not actually telling me about it?"

This time I nodded, flinching again when one of his large hands travelled up my side to rest just below the side of my breast and he traced my tattoo with his fingertips. I'd gotten it just after Nova and Noelle were born; it simply read all of my kid's names- Alanna Marie, Jonathon Nova, Noelle Sicily- with their birthdates next to them. Unfortunately, John was extremely taken by it and did everything he could to make me feel some sort of pleasure whenever he touched it.

I was so focused on the tattoo that I hadn't noticed his other hand reaching up and ripping off the duct tape from one of my wrists. And if he hadn't taped my mouth shut, the scream I would've let out could have shattered a window. John smiled at me, with some sort of gleam in his eye. He was enjoying this. He was enjoying my pain. I couldn't look at him anymore. But looking away wasn't a good idea because as soon as I did, he ripped the tape off my other wrist.

"Maybe I should have kept those on and just untapped your legs," John smirked as one of his hands ventured down my stomach and between my legs, "Or I could get you all hot and bothered without letting your legs give in."

He, not so gently, slipped two fingers inside of me and tore the piece of tape that had been holding me against the wall by my waist off. I tried to push his hand away from my body, not wanting to give in to him, but he just shook his head.

"So, which one is next?" he asked as shoved his fingers faster in and out of me, "Knees, ankles, or mouth? If only it were possible to do them all at once. Though, that wouldn't really increase the pain. This would be so much better if you were wrapped around my dick instead of my fingers but I don't trust you not to fuck me over. Close your eyes baby."

He wiped his free hand over my face until I kept my eyes closed, obviously not wanting me to see which piece of tape he was going to take off. With my eyes closed, it was harder to fight off the pleasure he was giving me, even if it was just his fingers. When I felt myself clenching around him and my knees growing weaker, my legs trembling, I also felt the tape being snatched off my mouth and with it small pieces of skin. I screamed out in pain as the wet sock fell from my mouth and an orgasm ripped through my body.

"Damn, Kendall. Maybe we should use duct tape more often. This shit is kinky," John said, pressing against me to make me feel the ever growing bulge through his jeans, silently telling me it needed some attention.

"I hate you," I whispered, my voice hoarse.

"No, you love me. Remember?"

I looked away from him as he carefully pulled the tape off of my legs. Silently cursing myself for ever uttering those words and for every slip up I've had in the past four years. He was making me hate myself as he picked up and carried me to his bed.

"You're moving all of your stuff back in here with me," he ordered, biting a spot on my hip that was already missing some skin from the tape and smirking when I cried out, "The kids will start asking questions about why we don't share a room. And I'm thinking about wanting to try for another kid. Which means no more birth control for you."


	3. Chapter 3

**Here you go, one day early. I hope you all like it. I guess I forgot to add this on other chapters so, I own nothing. Sadly, except for Kendall and Nova and Noelle. And for future reference, I own nothing else, unless they are unrecognized.  
><strong>_*Warning: Contains Sexual Content*_

* * *

><p><strong>Kendall's POV<strong>

"Mommy!" Noelle yelled as she ran into the kitchen, "Mommy, guess what!"

I picked her up, laughing at her enthusiasm, "What Elle-girl?"

"You should hear what Daddy just told me," she gushed with a heart stopping smile on her face.

"Oh, I should, huh? Well, I'm pretty sure that it's bed time. Where are your brother and sister?" I asked her suspiciously. I had an inkling that John had let Noelle stay up past bed time again while making Nova and Alanna go to bed.

"No-no and Ally felled asleep watching _Aladdin. _ I wasn't so tired though," she told me with a shrug, "But Daddy said the cooliest thing ever!"

"Cooliest?" I laughed, "Sweetie, you're three. How do you know the word cooliest?"

"Ally told me. But Daddy said you were gonna have a baby," Noelle practically yelled, getting down from my arms to jump up and down around the kitchen, "Mommy's gonna have a baby!"

"No, no, no! Daddy's wrong, sweets. I'm not having a baby-"

"Not yet."

I could practically hear the smirk in his voice as he walked into the kitchen and it made me want to cry. My mind was trying to make sense of why he would do all of this. He threw away my birth control pills, he refused to wear condoms, he moved all of my stuff back into his bedroom, and all but tied me to the bed to make me stay there at night.

Shaking my head, I ignored John, "Elle-girl it's time to go to bed. It's late and you are going to be cranky tomorrow if you don't get your beauty sleep."

"But I'm not even sleepy," Noelle whined.

"You are too, Noelle. Your eyes are so red and you're already getting cranky. I'll put some music on nice and quiet for you and you'll be asleep in no time," I told her.

"I'm not tired," she demanded, "I'm staying up."

"Oh, come on Kendall. Let her stay up," John said quietly as he walked up behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I felt myself tense up. It wasn't very often that he was intimate like this with me and it made me nervous.

"Don't do that. Don't take her side," I warned, "She needs to learn to listen to me."

John cleared his throat, "Noelle Sicily Jane, you listen to your mom right now. If she says go to bed then you better get."

"But Daddy-"

"No buts get to bed," he said sternly.

"Fine," she grumbled before turning and running up to her room.

"Why would you tell her that?" I asked, detaching myself from his arms and going back to cleaning up the kitchen.

"Because it's going to happen," John said softly as he grabbed my hand lightly, "Kendall?"

"What?" I snapped.

"Let me," he sighed before stopping nervously as he pulled me towards him.

"Let you what John?"

"Let me make love to you, please. Don't make me take it from you tonight." The tone of voice he used caught me off guard, "I want to make love to my wife, Priceless."

"John, don't-"

He cut me off by pressing his lips against my, soft and passionate. John hadn't kissed me like this since the very first time we kissed and that was all it took for him to lift me up in his arms and carry me upstairs. He kicked the bedroom door shut before setting me on my feet, batting my hands away gently when I reached for the hem of his shirt.

"This night is about you, Priceless," he vowed against my collarbone, "I'm doing this for you."

Slower than he'd ever done it before, he removed all of my clothing and then his. He kissed the scar my brothers made after laying me on his bed, then he slowly slide into my hot sex. My hands were up and down his back as he continued at the slow pace, never speeding up and showing no signs of speeding up, until he took my wrists in one of his large hands and pinned them above my head. I was almost positive that he would start pounding into me when he did that, but if it were possible he moved even slower.

"John, please," I begged, bucking my hips up to meet his I tried to do anything that would give me more.

"Let me make love you to," he groaned in my ear, "I need to hear you say it, Priceless."

"S- Say what?" I stuttered, suddenly not feeling in the mood for sex.

"Tell me you love me."

Even though I could hear the need in his voice, I shook my head. Trying to pull my wrists out of his hand so that I could push him away from me only caused him to tighten around them. A coldness erupted in my chest that shouldn't have been there considering the amount of heat pouring from John's body. He was using me. Again.

"Get off me," I whispered, not trusting my voice to not crack.

"Say it, baby, and I can give you what you want," he compromised, "I can give you what you need."

And just like that, the coldness went away, "I love you."

His body trembled from an orgasm he hadn't let me experience as he smirked, "I know."

**John's POV**

"No," she whispered brokenheartedly as I pulled away from her.

"What?" I laughed, mockingly, "Did you actually think I'd fallen in love with you? Kendall, we've been married for 4 years. I'm not going to fall in love with you; I just wanted you to admit that you love me. I already knew it, of course, but now I know I can still use it against you."

She moved to get out of the bed but I grabbed her back and tucked my face into her neck. Kendall was weak and she let me see that, but I wouldn't let her know what my own weakness was. I refused to tell her what it did to me whenever I heard her say those words. Telling one person your weakness meant telling everyone that person talked to and I wasn't going to let anyone know. Not even my wife.

"Why are you doing this to me?" she asked after she'd given up fighting.

"Because I can. Because you're my wife and I'm your husband so you do as I say. Because your family is a bunch of lowlifes who drove themselves into the ground and are on so many peoples hit list right now it's actually quite ridiculous," I told her, "And honestly because it's fun."

"I don't understand why I always have to pay for my families mistakes. I have done nothing wrong-"

"Nothing wrong? I'm pretty sure doing that damn interview was wrong," I demanded.

"And you've already taped me to a wall for the whole day because of it, John. Please just leave me alone right now," she begged.

She pulled the blankets up to cover our naked bodies and rolled away from me. When I rolled her back into my chest she pushed against me until I pinched her side sharply. Sighing, I wrapped my arms around her and interlocked my fingers, insuring that she wouldn't get up in the middle of the night and run from me. I tried to take comfort in the fact that Kendall still loved me and I knew that she wouldn't leave me, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling bad about what I'd just done to her. I knew that the words I said to her would hurt, but I was so close to admitting it to her tonight that I needed something to deflect my thoughts away from how I truly felt about her.


	4. Chapter 4

**And just because you have all been such giving readers, I am posting this chapter early! I hope you enjoy it! And I hope you all have a safe and fun holiday weekend!**

* * *

><p><strong>John's POV<strong>

I woke up later than usual. There was a reason I hadn't wanted to go out with my brothers last night and sleeping in was the reason. I would have to move quickly to get to work on time which meant skipping breakfast with the kids, something I knew they looked forward to because I wasn't home enough.

Another thing that angered me, I was alone. Kendall must have gotten up before me without waking me up. So now, I had a headache, was going to be late for work, and a bitch for a wife. Rolling my shoulders, I stood from my bed and walked to my closet, deciding to skip a shower, and got dressed. If I moved quickly enough, I would have just enough time to see the kids before Kendall took Alanna to school. As I hurried out of the room, I heard talking from Nova's room and stopped to listen as our youngest three-year-old spoke.

"Mommy, how many more days until Christmas?" he asked with excitement in his voice.

"Four more, baby," Kendall's voice rang throughout the room. Through the crack from the slightly open door, I could see Nova nod.

"You are the best mom ever," Nova said simply, "Are we gonna get presents from you and Daddy too? 'Cause Santa always brings presents."

"Yep, Daddy and I are gonna give you, Elle-girl, and Ally presents too. And Santa doesn't always bring presents, sometimes when kids make his naughty list, Santa brings them coal," Kendall explained, and I could see his eyes widen.

"I'm not gonna be on the naughty list, right?"

"I don't think so. You've been a very good boy this year, but keep it up because Santa can still change his mind and you don't want him to have to take all of the presents he got you away," she told him.

Nova shook his head, "No, I want my presents."

"Manners?"

"I mean, I want my presents, please," he said with a smile, his dimples ever present and I heard Kendall sigh.

"You have your daddy's smile," she said, and while I smiled proudly I could hear the sadness in Kendall's voice.

"Do you love 'im?" Nova asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Do I love who?"

"Daddy, do you love my daddy?" he asked again, clearing up any confusion.

At his question, I leaned my head against the door jamb; a million questions running through my mind. Would she lie to him? Would she tell him the truth? Would my son grow up to resent me because I refused to tell his mother how I felt about her?

"I love you, _you take my breath away, you're a supernova_," she told him, quoting lyrics from an Eminem song she'd found that spoke her nickname for Nova, "You're my Super Nova. And I love Noelle and Alanna. You three are my whole life."

"Lee-lee said you were gonna have another baby. She said that Daddy told her a baby was gonna grow in your tummy," Nova admitted, "Will you still love us when the new baby is here?"

And now I just felt guilty.

"Well, I don't have a new baby growing in my tummy right now. But even if I did, nothing will ever stop me from loving you. Remember the book? _I love you forever, I like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be,_" Kendall told him.

After seeing that he seemed satisfied with that, I walked down to the kitchen. Looking at the clock I realized that I'd spent too much time eavesdropping and not enough time getting ready to leave. I was rushing around as I made my lunch when a tired looking Noelle walked in. She scooted herself up onto a chair before folding her arms on the table and resting her chin on them.

"What are you doing, Elle-girl?" I asked when I realized she was staring at me.

"Watching you," she yawned.

I shook my head and laughed, returning to the task at hand, "You're mom will be down in a minute to make breakfast. I can't eat with you, though. I'm going to be late for work."

Noelle shrugged a bit which basically told me she was just content to be sitting there and watching me. When I was just finished packing the 'fashion lunch box', as Kendall called it, Nova, Alanna and Kendall made their way into the kitchen. My phone rang on the counter closest to Kendall and she picked it up, inadvertently glancing at the caller id when she went to pass it to me. The smile on her face dropped and I realized why when I saw who it was. I would have ignored the call, but there was a very good chance that it was important.

"What?" I asked as a way of greeting.

"_He called me. I didn't know what else to do. He hasn't called in such a long time,"_ the shaky voice said.

Groaning slightly, I responded with, "When?"

"_Late last night. I didn't want to disturb you though. He asked for money again, I think he might be staying close to home. I just don't know where,"_ they said.

"Alright. Anything else?"

"_No, that's all."_

I hung up the phone and turned to see three sets of eyes staring at me. Kendall had her back to me and was leaning on her elbows on the counter. Just from that small shift in her stance I could tell that she was trying to keep her emotions in check. It was understandable, why she was upset, considering our past and what she still felt was true.

"Alright, guys. I gotta go to work. Can I get some hugs?" I asked.

Noelle, Alanna, and Nova all ran to me at the same time. Laughing I pulled them all into a hug and kissed each of their cheeks before standing up fully and walking over to Kendall. She tensed as I wrapped my arms around her, something I did every morning so the kids wouldn't ask questions.

"Are you seeing her again?" she asked softly.

Sighing slightly, I said, "We'll talk about this later. I'm already late as it is."

"It's a yes or no question, John. Are you seeing her again or not?"

I could have just walked away. I could have told her the truth. My heart was telling me to do either one of those. Begging me. But I got frustrated when she asked again. And then I got angry. I was running late for work, I'd told her this already, why was she questioning me right now.

"Whoever said I stopped seeing her?" It was the only thing I could think of to say. And if I had stayed to hear her reaction, I would have heard the broken sob that she choked out.

**Kendall's POV**

I had to put on a good face, for the kids. They were still too young to understand our lives, and I wasn't honestly looking forward to explaining that one to them. But I knew I'd have to one day. I would have to tell them that not only does their dad not love their mom, but I would also have to explain what a business deal was, and why I was considered one.

But the kids and I had plans today. We had friends over; well Alanna had a friend over. They were having a play date with Nova and Noelle. And while they were in the toy room, I sat with the Daniel's dad. We'd meet when Alanna was just starting in preschool, the year after Randy and Sam were in the accident. Being that they were on Christmas break, David and I thought it would be good for Daniel to have some kid time.

Daniel was David's only child, and as it seemed his mother wasn't in the picture he attached to me and Alanna as soon as he'd met us. It was unnerving at first, but they'd become good friends. And now they were over to our house for the first time and I was pouring David more water.

"So, do we like Daniel and Alanna's teacher this year or not?" David asked with a slight hint of amusement to his voice.

Shrugging slightly, I said, "She's not as bad as the old hag they had last year. I swear that woman was the most unorganized kindergarten teacher I've ever met in my whole life. I'm hoping she's retired by the time Nova and Noelle start school, if not then I'm going to ask for them to get a different teacher."

"She was a kindergarten teacher. How organized should she have been?"

"She should at least be able to tell that my daughter isn't a boy. I seriously don't know how many times she'd call Alanna, Daniel and vice versa. It was annoying," I scoffed.

"And you've never done that with your three?" he asked, "Kendall, I've heard you do it before."

"Yes, but I'm their mother. I'm allowed. Their teacher isn't."

He laughed at that and shook his head. We'd done this for two years now, bashing their teachers. Or other parents who we didn't like. It was nice to have a friend. A friend who knew nothing about what was going on in my life, and with Tasha away in Cali, it was just nice to have someone to talk to and laugh with about the less serious things.

"You've got a nice place," David commented, looking around the kitchen. I'd already given him the tour, for the most part, and he looked rather impressed.

"Yeah. John's been thinking about putting a pool out back. He insists that it wouldn't be complete without a pool house, though. I don't see why we'd need one, though. This house is already too large as it is. I mean, we practically have an apartment in the basement," I said, shaking my head.

"A pool house would hold the pool towels," he reasoned.

"We have plenty of cupboard space in this house," I countered.

"And you'd let a bunch of wet feet run through your house to get to those cupboards?" he asked.

"Well, they'd just have to grab the towels before they went out to the pool," I told him, "He also said something about making it an indoor pool, with a removable roof. That way we could swim all year round. I think I like that idea better."

"Damn, sounds expensive," Dave sighed.

"It probably is. But John is always saying that he works hard for a reason. He wants to spend the money on us; he likes to spend the money on us. You should see what he got the kids for Christmas. As if we didn't already go way overboard, he bought them each a flat screen TV. for their bedrooms," I complained, "What three-year-old do you know of has a flat screen T.V. in their bedroom?"

"Apparently yours," he laughed.

"Mommy!" Nova yelled suddenly, running into the kitchen as fast as his little legs would bring him.

"Yeah, Super Nova?"

"Ally is being mean again," he whined, "She won't let me and Daniel play with any of the toys!"

Sighing, I moved to stand up but David beat me to it, saying, "We should probably get going anyway. It's definitely past Danny's nap time and I'm sure your little ones will want a nap too."

"Yeah, you're right," I said after looking down at my watch.

I watched as David went to collect Daniel. With them here, it was easier to pretend that my life was as perfect as it looked from the outside, but as they got ready to leave I could feel the emptiness start to press itself into my body.

"Okay, now remember to be careful. It's looking terrible out there. It must be so snowy," I told David as he finished wrapping a scarf around Daniel's now marsh mellowed looking body.

"Yes, I know. Black ice can be-"

"Kendall! Who's fucking truck is that in the drive way?"


	5. Chapter 5

**I have a super busy day tomorrow, so I'll just put this out now, while I'm literally not doing anything.  
>Thanks for being so great with all of the reviews and favorites and alerts on this story, it's very nice to hear that you're liking it and makes me want to write more!<strong>

**I would just like to say a big 'Thank you' to butterflydance21, she has helped me a ton in the making of this sequel and I am eternally grateful for her input! You all should go check out her stuff, it's remarkable!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Kendall's POV<strong>

David looked at me with wide-eyes, almost unbelieving. I could tell what was going through his mind. He didn't want to think that the man yelling from the room we'd just left was my husband. I didn't want to think that he was either. For a second, I studied David, taking in his dark brown hair and eyes. He was taller and broader than John was and he wasn't against getting tattoos. He actually had quite a few, though not as many as Randy had.

I cleared my throat before saying, "I'll be right back. Don't leave just yet."

Quickly darting in the kitchen, I saw John staring at the entrance I'd just walked through. It felt like he was looking through me, like he wasn't even seeing me anymore. John was way beyond angry, but in my heart as I took him in, it didn't feel justified. He had no idea who was in his house, he had come home from work early, unannounced, and he was the one who has been cheating on me. For almost four years.

"John-"I started to say.

"Who the fuck is here?" he asked angrily.

"I told you last night. A friend of Alanna's from school was coming over today to have a play date with the kids. They've hung out at parks many times during the summers and on weekends when you've gone into work," I explained quickly, "He's still here. If you want to meet him, they're waiting by the front door for me to let them out."

He rolled his neck around his shoulders before nodding and I took a deep breath as I turned around to walk back out to the foyer. I hoped that when John found out the 'they're' meant Daniel and his dad, he would keep his anger in check. David was obviously weary of him already. As we reached them, I felt John tense up behind me but I put a smile on my face. I cleared my throat again; my mouth suddenly seemed so dry that I could barely swallow.

"John, this is Daniel and David Batista," I introduce slowly, pointing out both, "Daniel, David, this is Alanna, Nova, and Noelle's dad, John Cena."

David offered his left hand out to John, who looked at it for what seemed like an hour to me before taking it in his own and squeezing it tightly. They stared at each other, both saying things I would never hear, before releasing the others hand. Daniel looked at me nervously, it was obvious that he sensed the tension just as much as I did and I felt bad for putting him in the situation. I bent down so that I was at his level and smiled at him.

"You be good for your dad, okay? And have a very merry Christmas," I told him before giving him a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek.

When I stood back up, David pulled me in for a hug of his own. It was normal for us, after knowing each other for so long and talking for so often, but in front of John didn't feel right to me. He had to of felt me tense because he released me quicker than he usually would have. John reached around the three of us and opened the door, silently telling them it was time for them to leave.

"Be careful!" I called to David after he made sure Daniel was securely buckled and was walking around to his own door. When he only nodded, I realized I had been the only talking when the two of them had been in the same room. I could still feel John behind me, but I wasn't moving until David's truck was out of sight and I think John was doing the same thing.

And I was right, because as soon as I couldn't see the red Ford anymore, he pulled me inside and slammed the door shut. I jumped from the noise but he still hadn't let go of my arm. When his grip tightened, I opened my mouth to ask him to let go but he cut me off.

"What the fuck was that?" he hissed, "Your new fuck buddy?"

"No, it's your job to have one of those."

I regretted it as soon as it left my mouth. And the moment after that when John pushed me into the corner of a doorway. I couldn't see where we were; my head had hit the wall then bounced off and whipped back into the wall from the force of it. I knew that John was angry, but at that moment he was really starting to scare me. In the past three years, he hadn't actually hit me. He'd thrown me into walls and pushed me around a little; like he was doing now, but since Nova and Noelle were born he hadn't full out hit me.

"Don't smart talk me right now. Why was he here? And why didn't you tell me about it?" he asked, his voice rising slightly.

I chanced a look at the stairway and the other doorway, making sure the kids weren't walking in on this before answering him, "Daniel and Alanna are in the same class. They have been ever since she started going to school here. She talks about him all the time." The look on his face told me he was starting to recall a child named Daniel being brought up during dinner conversations, so I went on, "I told you last night that he was coming over today. I told you at dinner, before you went out with your brothers."

"Ah. Stop right there. That's the fucking problem. Do you honestly think I remember anything that happened before I went out with my brothers? Or that happened while I was out with my brothers? No, I don't. And do I need to tell you why I don't remember any of it? It's because I was fucking wasted. I was drunk and could barely remember my own name," he said, again his voice got a bit louder.

"So drunk that you slept with Stephanie before you came home to me," I whispered. I knew he couldn't hear me, I barely moved my mouth when I said it anyway. I took another deep breath, "I probably should have told you this morning. I was a little preoccupied."

"Preoccupied find out your husband doesn't even want you in bed," he smirked.

"Apparently you want something because you keep coming back for it," I shot back.

His smirk fell and his grip on my arms tightened before I felt my feet leaving the floor. On instinct I wanted to cry out and beg him to put me down, but I kept reminding myself that the kids were awake; the kids were just two floors above us in their toy room. They were playing and probably laughing, they didn't have any clue that their dad was hurting their mom. They never would. It was a promise I made myself one night.

Suddenly, I was landing on the stairs and then I slid down them. My shirt rode up and I could feel the carpet burning my back as I slid down to where John stood. I winced as his fingers wrapped around my neck and flexed, cutting off my air supply.

"Trust me, it's not your sex I come back for," John taunted.

"Then what?" I gasped. I wasn't sure I wanted the answer. But I knew that I needed to know. For my own sanity I needed to know where I stood. When John punished, he punished someone's heart and soul, not so much their body. That was why it was so hard to stop loving him, as soon as he knew he had me; he wasn't going to let me go. He'd push me away only to pull me right back in just as I thought I was free of him.

"Babies. I want kids," he smiled before letting go of my neck.

"We have kids. Three of them." I shook my head. What did he mean?

"I want a boy."

"We have Nova," I pointed out, dumbly.

"It isn't enough!" John exclaimed.

**John's POV**

Kendall looked at me before pushing me away from her roughly. Normally I wouldn't have let her do that, but the look in her eyes said that she didn't understand something. And now she was angrier at me.

"'It'?" she scoffed, "Nova is an 'it' now? And what the hell do you mean he isn't enough?"

Swallowing the pain I felt seeping through my body at her words, I pictured her in that asshole's arms. It made me see red instantly.

"What do you think it means Kendall? But I'm sure you won't mind. You'd rather be with that lowlife and his son. I'm sure he'll have no problem sending the brat of to his mom's so you don't have to deal with kids running around all the time. Isn't that what you want?" I asked, "No kids? To be free? Does he make you feel free, Kendall?"

"That's not what I want. How could you even say that?" she backed away from me, walking up the stairs, and trying to put some kind of distance between us. She knew that I was only getting angrier. She knew what happened when I get angry. "David isn't a lowlife. Daniel isn't a brat. And for your information, his mother passed away from breast cancer three years ago. So that throws a bit of a wrench in your little theory. Oh, and no David doesn't make me feel free. He makes me feel like I'm in a prison, watching him from behind bars as he gets to live his life. It's suffocating."

"Good," I laughed as I walked towards her, "I'm glad it's suffocating. But no, it only throws a wrench into your plans. If you leave me for that thing, you'll be stuck with a kid. Granted, it is only one, you better hope he doesn't want more."

"What is your problem?" Kendall asked, feeling her way down the hallway. She was looking for a room to hide in but she knew that her efforts were futile. She knew from experience that I'd just break down the door if she locked it.

"Right now?" I clarified, "You are. You apparently don't understand what it means to be a good wife. What do you do for me, Kendall?"

"I have given you everything!" she yelled, "In the past four years, you have taken absolutely everything from me. I have nothing else left, John. I was forced to move here, forced to marry you, forced to be kidnapped, forced to have your children, forced to have sex whenever you damn well please, forced to stop talking to Eve, forced to see Teddy every day. Then once I got used to him again and he was a permanent fixture in my life, I was forced to stop talking to him again. You promised me so many things but you've broken every single-"

I couldn't let her finish. My fists were curled up at my sides in anger towards myself and in order to shut her up, I swung one of them at her. I didn't even see where it hit her, I'm pretty sure I closed my eyes as I swung at her but I whipped then open when I heard a little voice cry out to her.

When my eyes opened, Kendall was on the ground but she was trying to push herself up. I heard little footsteps patter their way towards her and Nova came into view. His grey eyes were wide and I could see that he was shaking. He bent down to get closer to Kendall before turning to glare at me.

"Don't hurt my mommy," he growled his tone ferocious.

"Nova-"I prompted as I took a step towards them.

"No!" he yelled, spreading his arms out as wide as they could go. He turned his back to Kendall so that he was fully facing me, "Go away."

"Nova, you can't talk to your dad like that," Kendall chastised.

Nova's little mouth fell open as he turned to look at her. He obviously though she was crazy. "Mommy, he hurt you. I gotta 'tect you."

"I'm okay Super Nova," she told him.

"See, Nova. Your mom's fine-"

"I said 'go away'," he repeated, "I mean 'go away'."


	6. Chapter 6

**John's POV**

Noelle and Alanna shimmied out of the car quickly as soon as I pulled into the driveway of my parents' house. Nova hung back with Kendall, waiting and watching me with narrowed eyes. He hadn't let her out of his sight, even after she tried to convince him that she was fine. She didn't look fine. When Kendall got out of the Hummer, Nova was right there to meet her and he held his arms open for her to pick him up.

"You and your sisters are going to spend the night with Pa and Nana," Kendall told him after gathering him in her arms, "Does that sound like a fun time?"

"No," he said angrily.

"Why not, Super Nova?"

"I don't want you be all 'lone with _him_," Nova said darkly, gesturing in my direction as I followed closely behind them, "He gonna hurt you 'gain."

I took a step closer to them and put one hand on Nova's back while resting the other on Kendall's shoulder, before saying, "Nova, I'm not going-"

"Don't touch us!" he shouted.

"Baby, I know you're upset with your dad right now, but you know better than to yell at him like that," Kendall said sternly.

"C'mon buddy, I told you I was sorry," I tried again, holding my hands out to him and began taking him away from Kendall.

My mom came running outside as soon as she heard him screaming and I backed away from them. There had to be something I could do to make him forget about what happened, to make him forget about what he saw. I hadn't meant for him to see it. I didn't even know that he was standing there; I didn't know where the kids were. The whole thing shouldn't have happened.

Kendall placed him on the ground before lowering herself to her knees and saying softly, "Go inside and play with your sisters and Pa. Daddy, Nana, and I will be inside in just a minute for Daddy and me to say goodbye."

"I don't want him to hurt you," Nova whispered as his eyes filled with tears. Kendall looked up at me from her place on my parent's porch pleadingly, and then she looked back at him. I saw her swipe at her eye softly, being mindful that she didn't smudge any makeup or bump the bruise that was right in the middle of her right cheek.

"He won't, just ask him," she prompted.

"Daddy, please-"

I dropped to my knees next to Kendall and pulled Nova into my arms. It was the first time he'd looked at me without glaring, the first time he talked to me without yelling, and the look in his eyes combined with the tone of his voice told me that he was scared. My son was afraid of me. My only son was afraid of what he'd seen me do to his mother. Of what I'd done because I'd only pushed myself to that level of anger.

"I promise you, Super Nova. I won't hurt her. Just for you, I'll walk away when I'm getting angry. I promise," I whispered into his hair.

"Go on inside, Nova. I want to talk to your parents," my mom said after a moment.

Standing up and watching Nova skitter inside, I turned to help Kendall stand up as well. When she stared at my hands hesitantly I sighed. My mom cleared her throat expectantly, causing Kendall to stand up on her own.

"Why was my grandson screaming?' she asked calmly.

Kendall looked at me, almost as if to ask if she can answer, before responding, "John tried to take him from me. Nova isn't very happy with John right now."

"John Felix Anthony, what did you do?" Mom hissed, and although it was meant as a question, it came out as more of a statement.

"He walked in on Kendall and I arguing, just as things were getting a little bit out of hand," I told her and Kendall scoffed at my answer.

"Yeah, just a little bit," she said, sadly shaking her head.

"What happened, Kenny?"

"Alanna had a friend over earlier, Daniel. His dad, David, stayed. They were having a play date. John got home from work early, just as they were leaving and he was already angry. I tried explaining to him what happened and he started accusing me of cheating on him. We argued, he got violent. We both said things we shouldn't have. And then he hit me, just as Nova was coming down the stairs. We were standing in the hallway on the second floor," Kendall explained quickly, "He's either been angry at John, scared for me, or scared for all of us since it happened."

"John! What were you think-"

"I don't know!" I yelled, "Obviously, I wasn't thinking. I didn't expect him to just walk into it."

"You shouldn't have done it in the first place," my mom said coldly.

"And I realize that. It's a little too late now-"

"Daddy, you said you'd walk away. You promised," Nova said softly from behind the screen door.

I turned to see him standing there, his hands covering his ears. Nodding softly, I told him I loved him and walked back to my Hummer to wait for Kendall to say goodbye to the other kids. There were a lot of things I needed to fix, starting with Kendall. Starting with our relationship and our marriage. It started with Stephanie, really. And it was going to start as soon as we got home.

**Kendall's POV**

The ride home was silent. The walk back into the kitchen was silent. And I couldn't help but think that, in that kitchen was where it all began. In that kitchen was where John and I began. In that kitchen could also be where we ended.

I slowly sat down on a chair at the table as John leaned against the kitchen sink. Leaning my elbows on the table top and my head on my hands, I asked, "What are we going to do now?"

"I have to tell you something," he confessed after a few minutes of silence. I lifted my head up to look at him, unsure if I actually wanted to hear what he had to say to me. John took a deep breath before saying, "I never cheated on you. I lied."

For a minute, I was in shock. And for the next, I let the truth of what he'd just told me sink in. He'd never cheated. He'd lied to me. All of the horrible things he'd said to me, all of the things he'd hinted at, it was all a lie.

"But she- Stephanie told me. She came to me- she admitted it," I finally choked out.

"I paid her to tell you. And then I paid her to flirt with me at all of the appointments I went to with you," he admitted.

My whole body broke out in a cold sweat as his words hit my heart. This was it, I could feel it coming. This was the point in his life that I always knew he'd get to. He'd finally gotten bored with me. He was going to ask me to pack my things, pack my kids' things, and ask me to leave. Slowly, I stood up from the table and made my way towards the stairs.

"What are you doing? Kendall, where are you doing?" he asked, walking over to me.

"I don't know," I coughed, "its funny though. Less than an hour ago, you promised your son you wouldn't hurt me. But right now it hurts just to be near you."

"Then let me make it better."

"You can't," I told him before I suddenly stopped, "The phone call. This morning. What did she want?"

"Hunter called her. He asked her for money again, and then he called her again this afternoon. He doesn't stay on the phone very long but we think he's in the area-"

"It doesn't matter." I felt empty as I walked up the stairs. The only thing that was running through my mind was to pack, and pack fast. I didn't want to stay in his house any longer than necessary; he didn't want me here anymore. And while I understood, it was something I always knew would happen, it was also the one promise he'd kept. It was the only promise he kept. He promised he wouldn't get bored, that he wouldn't ask me to leave.

When I reached our room, something felt different. At first I pushed it away, thinking it was this newfound emptiness that was snaking its way into my chest. But as I walked further into the room, it felt cold. Something was wrong.

"Miss me?" a cold and calculating voice called out through the room.

I went to back out of the room, knowing better than to turn my back, but ended up walking into a wall of muscle. A high pitched scream made its way out of my mouth before the wall behind me cut off all flow of oxygen. I knew that John had heard it though, I wasn't sure if he'd come help me. I wasn't important to him anymore.

"I suggest you don't do that if you want to keep your head attached to your body," Hunter growled into my ear, "Do you have any idea how long it's taken me to get here? If you screw this up, I will not be happy."

Gasping for air, I twisted my body as best I could before elbowing him between the legs. His hand let go of my throat and I pushed him to the ground just as the light switched on. When I looked up, John stood in the doorway, a gun in his hand.

"I didn't get a chance to do it last time, but do not doubt for a second that I will hesitate this time," John said angrily, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Punk sent me," was Hunter's only answer.

My body shook at the mixture of Hunter being back in my bedroom and the mention of Punk. Both men had hurt me and both men frightened me to no end. I looked up at John, hoping he'd let me out of the room but he showed no sign of moving any time soon.

"What for?" he asked.

"Her," Hunter answered. When I looked back at him, I realized he was pointed at me.

"She isn't available. She hasn't been available for four years. And as long as I'm alive she won't be available. She is my wife, she has had my children, she may have more of my children, and she will stay that way until I am dead," John told him, "Do I make myself clear?"

Hunter nodded quickly and I heard John's brother's calling out to him from somewhere on the main floor. He yelled back, telling them where we were, and I could hear four sets of thunder footsteps on the stairs. When they reached our bedroom, Matt and Steve picked Hunter up while Dan and Sean searched him for any weapons and I slid down the wall to the floor. Once they cleared him, they carried him out of the room, but something still felt wrong.

"John-"

"I'll be right back, Kendall," he answered.

"Please don't leave," I whispered as he walked away, "I don't think he's alone."

John didn't hear me, though, and as soon as I heard the back door slam shut my closet door opened. When I walked in the room, the first voice that had asked if I missed him, it wasn't Hunter's voice. I didn't recognize it right away until he walked out of the closet. It suddenly made sense, Hunter was the distraction.

"You're right, he isn't alone," Punk smirked as he stepped closer to me.

With my peripheral vision, I frantically searched for the remote John made for me. Just after we got married, when things were still good between John and I, he had an alarm system installed in every room in the house. Our room, the button was programmed on the remote and the bottom edge of our bed. I wasn't sure which one I could crawl to first, but when the sound of a gun broke Punk's eye contact away from me I jumped up and ran to the bed. Hitting the button made the lights start flashing and loud alarm ring.

It frightened Punk, but only for a minute did it distract him. It was enough time for me to get away from him. He followed me out into the hallway and tripped me up by the stairs. I felt like I was having deja-vu as he picked me up by my upper arms and tossed me down the stairs. Punk's throw was more forceful than John's was all those years ago and this time I had a more cushioned fall. When I turned over, I saw Steve lying awkwardly underneath me. The other Cena brothers were standing around us as Steve pushed me to sit up and Punk descended the stairs.

"Ya know, Johnny boy, you should listen to your wife more often. She actually knows what she's talking about," Punk taunted.

"I told you last time to leave her alone. I gave you a warning. Now I see that I was too lenient," John said calmly. I jumped as the gun went off again and Punk's body went limp as it fell the rest of the way down the stairs.

"Please don't let the blood stain my carpet," I said softly.


	7. Chapter 7

**So, I probably wont be doing anymore 'early updates' just because I started a new semester this week and it's pretty full. But I will update every Friday as planned. And hopefully I'll stay ahead of myself in chapters, I actually just finished writing and sent ch. 9 to be beta'ed. So, yay!  
>Erm, I uploaded a one-shot of sorts a few days ago called <span>I Came Here To Win<span>. It's just a little thing I did when I was stuck on this story and another story that I'm currently writing but haven't uploaded yet. That story is called In A Hopeless Place and I am very excited for it, even though I haven't written anything knew in a few weeks. I know what I want to do and that's all that counts. So, in the A/N for ICHTW I mentioned something about getting a summary up for IAHP and I am going to do that right here and** now!

_River Avery was struggling. Struggling to get by, struggling to make friends, simply struggling with herself. Will this weight-conscious young women allow a giant of a man to help her gain some sense back into her life when it seems like everyone else has fallen by the wayside? Or will she push him away the way she's pushed away the others?_

**I'd like to think it's pretty good. My beta, butterflydance21 says it's really good. If y'all are interested let me know and I'll upload the first chapter in the next couple of days just so you can get a feel for all of the characters, since the summary doesn't really give anything away. Lemme know, and now onto the story you actually want to read!**

* * *

><p><strong>John's POV<strong>

We didn't even have carpet on those stairs. I don't know if Kendall was even paying attention anymore, it'd been three days since the incident. A lot happened that day, and not just for her but for our whole family. Nova was slowly coming around, though he was insisting that all three of the kids slept in bed with Kendall and me. Kendall didn't mind, she was scared. This time it wasn't of me though.

She would wake up in the middle of the night, searching for my arm so that she could grip it with at least one of her hands. During the day, I'd been working from home and Kendall would sit in my office with me while the kids were playing in the next room. Kendall wouldn't speak much; it was as if she were more comfortable with just knowing I was there. Or that someone was there.

"I'm sorry that I've been such a terrible husband," I apologized quietly after the kids were asleep and all of the presents were set out underneath the Christmas tree.

Kendall looked up from where she was sitting hear the tree, organizing the presents how she wanted them. We were spending most of the night down stairs just to make sure that one of their presents didn't go wandering around the house. Kendall didn't want the newest addition to our family to bark in the middle of the night and wake up the kids, ruining the surprise. We hadn't named him yet, wanting to give the kids that honor.

"You have nothing to apologize for. You are allowed to be however you want to be, it doesn't matter what I want or need," she said, "I haven't been the wife that you asked me to be but I'll try to-"

"Kendall stop, you aren't listening to me. I don't want that," I told her, "I have a lot to apologize for and I have a lot to make up to you. I've made a lot of mistakes over the past four years, probably starting with how I treated you when we got married. I hurt you and I don't even know why. I have a lot of anger problems-"

"Please stop," Kendall whispered, "I know that you don't really mean everything that you're saying. You do this all the time. You say all the things I want to hear and you make me think you actually want me. Then you turn around and throw my feelings for you in my face. I know that you don't want me and I know you won't love me, I just wish that you'd stop using how I feel for you against me."

"I'm not trying to use that against you right now. I'm trying to have an honest conversation with you!"

"But you can't have an honest conversation with me without getting upset. I just told you how I felt and you got angry with me. I don't know what else you want me to do," she said holding her hands out to me before whispering, "I don't know if I can trust you to not break my heart."

I took a deep breath before letting it out slowly, "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to get angry. And I'm not upset with you, I'm upset with myself. I hate the way I've treated you. When I hit you, the day Nova saw, I wasn't even mad at you, I was angry at myself for pushing you away. I was angry that I couldn't talk to you the way I wanted to and I couldn't hug you the way David did. And I am so sorry that I took it out on you. I never should have put my hands on you like that."

"You never promised you wouldn't hit me. Actually, you told me you couldn't promise that because you had such a bad temper. But, really, you've only ever kept one of your promises and even that one I'm just waiting for you to break," she admitted.

"Which promise?"

"You promised you'd never get bored and make me leave," she shrugged.

"And I won't," I assured her.

"Just like you won't cheat on me? Just like you won't use me as a distraction? I can't even count how many things you've promised me and then broken, John. I can't trust that, I'm sorry," Kendall said with a shake of her head.

"I told them no!" I yelled, causing her and our new puppy to jump, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell. I just get frustrated when you bring up Punk kidnapping you because I didn't want that to happen. And I'm the one who saved you from him. I asked for them to use someone else and I even made everyone who was involved pay me a shit ton of money as punishment for going along with the whole thing. I didn't want it to happen."

"Okay, I'll stop talking about it; he's gone anyway," she said, "What about Stephanie? Why did you do that? You let me believe for years that you cheated on me. Do you have any idea how that made me feel? And everything you've said about it, you never even denied it when I asked you."

"I- I don't know. At first it was because I was sick of the way you were ignoring us. I'd hoped that you might realize that you ignoring us was hurting your family but when Randy told me about that cop I just figured that you didn't even care. I felt like if you didn't care about our family then why should I. I just felt like I was using your actions to rectify my own," I tried to explain.

"Even after I told you that there was nothing going on between me and him? All of the bad things you said to me that night about him, he proved you right the next day and you didn't even care that I was hurting-"

"Yes I did. We got in a fight that day and I broke the door. We were getting better after that day. I thought that we were going to be okay after that," I admitted.

"I told you I loved you that night and you just walked away. I admitted something to you that I had only felt for one other man in my life and you didn't even care. Every time I looked at you after that I wanted to cry. And every once in a while, just when I thought you'd finally say something about it, something else would happen," Kendall said.

"When you left for that week, I think that was the turning point for me. It made me so mad to think that you would just leave me without telling me why. Kendall, you walked away from me without saying a word. Right in the middle of a conversation, you just stood up and left," I changed the subject.

She sat there silently before standing and moving until she stood in front of me. As I looked up to question what she was doing, she reached for the hem of her shirt and pointed to the scar of her maiden name. The scar her brothers made.

"I don't know how to explain my fears so that you might understand them. I feel like you want me to be honest with you right now but I don't want to say something that might upset you-"

"Don't worry about upsetting me, please just say what comes to you feel," I said, taking her hands in mine.

**Kendall's POV**

I took a deep breath as I looked into John's eyes. I wanted to believe what he was telling me. His eyes were soothing and seemed to be honest; I had never seen such sincerity in his eyes. After another deep breath, I sucked up my courage.

"The day my father told me I was moving here and that I was going to marry you, Teddy was the one who took me back to my room. In front of you, he said he was going to help me pack, but he really only wanted to warn me. He was the one who initiated cutting me that day, even after my mother told them to stop. The last time I'd seen him he was hitting and cutting me and then for him to just show up at our front door to apologize," I paused and shook my head, "I felt like he was trying to play me. I was afraid that he was trying to get close to me, just to hurt me."

"Why didn't you say something?" he asked.

"You were already so angry with me. You thought I'd talked Randy into yelling at you about Ted being here and then you were so set on letting Ted stay here. I thought that you were asking him to punish me for it. I didn't want to upset you anymore and when I heard that he was staying, I just got so afraid that I just left. And I hid at Eve's, after promising her that she wouldn't lose her job. Then when you found out I was with her, you took her away from me too. Tasha was gone, Eve was gone, Randy was gone, and I had nothing," I said sadly.

"I wasn't trying to hurt you. I was trying to help Ted. I saw the look in your eyes when he said he wanted to work legally. I thought that by letting him stay with us, he would get on the right track and it would improve your relationship," he explained.

"Then why did you take him away from me? We'd just started to get our relationship right and then you make him leave. I don't know why and I want to know," I pleaded.

"He wasn't being completely honest, with either of us. I think he started out trying to get into something legal but he really didn't have much experience in the world without working in drugs or guns. I found a stash of drugs in his room and I gave him two months to get clean and stop selling. After I asked around a while later, I found out that he was still selling. I couldn't let him live here. Especially with the kids being around and I didn't want to see him let you down. You were so excited for him to be getting out of that life and I just couldn't stand to see him hurt you again," he told me.

"So you hurt me instead?"

"At the time, I figured you were so use to me hurting you that it wouldn't even phase you. I think I should have just told you though, now looking back. It might have been easier for you if you had known the truth," John said.

"Everything you do that hurts me, I can't even explain what it does to me, John. Every time you say something about how she was better than me, or when you'd take stabs at the weight I didn't lose after Nova and Noelle were born it made me feel worthless to you. I tried to research things that might please you but whenever I wanted to try it out you would shut me down. I'm never allowed to do anything for you and I always thought that it was because she was doing it instead. And then when I tried to diet, you would throw away all of the healthy foods I bought. I just felt like I could never win," I confessed.

"I shut you down because I didn't want you to demean yourself. And taking shots at you was the only way I could keep my feelings in check, it brought my anger out and it let me hide myself from you. Kendall, you will never know how sorry I truly I am for that. I didn't mean to make you feel worthless, I just didn't take your feelings in consideration when I needed to make mine go away," he said as he dropped his head into our hands.

"Why did you need your feelings to go away? Wouldn't it be easier to just feel what you feel instead of pushing it all away?" I asked.

"People have already targeted you. And both times, though it had nothing to do with me, I still felt so guilty. I don't want someone taking you away from me because I've done something stupid, I don't know if I could stand that," John stated.

"I don't understand. Why would someone take me away from you?"

"I'm afraid. I'm afraid that someone will try to take you. Nothing has happened yet, and I don't have any enemies, who are alive, but I don't know what I would do if someone even tried to take you from me," he admitted.

"I'm sorry, John, I still don't understand what you're saying," I told him.

"I think that I'm trying to say that I fell in love with you a long time ago. And I'm afraid of what will happen when other people find out what you truly mean to me."


	8. Chapter 8

**Kendall's POV**

"What do you mean you're packing?" I asked, rubbing my eyes as I felt a headache starting.

"I have business. Out of town. My dad and my brothers, except Sean, are coming with me. It's actually a pretty big deal, Kendall, I can't miss it," John told me.

"But-" I started, "What are you leaving?"

"I'm going over to Dan's tonight. We're leaving from there in the morning."

"John-"

"Listen, if you're just going to stand there and whine to me, then I'm going to tell you I don't want to hear it and you can turn around and walk away. I need to get packed and you, standing in the middle of my closet, are kind of in my way," he told me.

Nodding slightly, I made my way out of his closet and sat down on our bed. It had been a little less than two months since Christmas and it was Valentine's Day. I had asked John's mom, Carol, to watch the kids for us tonight so that John and I could celebrate. It was going to be a surprise. I would have to cancel those plans, and the reservations.

Sometimes, I truly believed that everything that happened between John and me on Christmas Eve was a dream. One that I had often, on that I wished would actually come true but knew never would. And then there was the way John looked at me now, the look in his eye just told me it wasn't a dream. There was also the way he spoke to me know, unless he was feeling rushed like he was now, he wasn't as condescending and he was more caring. John had also, since that night, told me he loved me at least five times. That was without prompting and before I had even thought to tell him I loved him.

And now I sound ridiculous. Pining after a man who has only told me that he loved me six times in the four years we've been married. I had hoped that this dinner tonight would solidify anything he was feeling about me. I had so much to tell him.

"How long are you going to be gone?" I asked as he walked out of his closet and into the bathroom to get his travel kit.

"A week, maybe two."

"Two weeks? John you can't be serious," I sputtered.

"What do you want me to do, Kendall? This is a big business deal. It could be really big for my family if we play it right. You want me to just give up everything that has built this house, you want me to throw away the only income we have in this family?" he asked.

"You talk about your family, John, but what about ours? Is it fair to us that you leave for two weeks? Are you even going to tell the kids goodbye? Or did you even notice that they aren't here?"

"Well where the hell are they?" he shouted, throwing a few more things in his suitcase, "And why aren't they here, ya know, at their house?"

"They're at your parents' house. God, do you even know what the date is today? I just wanted to have a nice night out with you. Is that such a bad thing?" I yelled back, "You make me think that you hate me for years, then you drop a bomb on me telling me that you actually don't hate me, and when I try to do something nice for you- You know what, never mind. It doesn't even matter. Just make sure you stop by your mom and dad's house to say good bye to your kids."

"Are you really just going to walk away from me right now?" he asked as I walked out of the bedroom.

I turned around at the door and said, "If I stayed, I'd just be in your way."

Instead of going downstairs, I went upstairs, to John's office. Lately, it's been the only place I've actually felt safe. Probably because John's been working from home a lot. I liked that he'd been working from home. It meant that, he could protect me if anyone were trying to hurt me again. And I couldn't risk getting hurt.

At one point, that thought would have made me sick, and there are times I still have my doubts. But I was actually a little bit excited. I didn't want to get my hopes up too high. I didn't want to expect something so grand, just to be thrown to the wolves again, I wasn't sure if I could actually handle that. I knew why I was having doubts. I knew why I wanted to either cry, or smile, or laugh, or yell all the time. I just couldn't tell anyone, not yet. I was afraid of telling anyone.

I really missed Randy Orton right at that moment. I wouldn't have been afraid to tell him. He probably would have known anyway. He would have been able to guess, it was the cheese thing again; not that anyone was ever around me enough to notice. I just wanted my best friend back. And I wanted to feel a little less alone. Then it dawned on me. I wasn't alone. I hadn't been alone for three months, and I wouldn't be alone for the next six or so months.

"What are you doing up here?" John's voice came so suddenly, it surprised me. I hadn't been expecting it. I didn't think he'd come looking for me.

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat as I thought about Randy before saying, "I feel safe in here."

"Is that the reason you don't want me to leave? Do I make you feel safe?" he asked slowly, as if he was unsure of himself.

"One of the reasons," I answered with a nod.

"How in the world do I make you feel safe?"

"You've always protected me from anyone who has tried to hurt me-"

"Except for me," he interrupted, "How can you feel safe around me when I've hurt you? After all the things I've done to you?"

"Because I love you," I said simply, "I know it doesn't make sense, but you are the only second person who has ever tried to protect me. You're the only other person who has defended me. My mind is totally fucked up and is convinced that is you showing that your care for me, even when you do the things other people want try to do."

"Let's not brainwash our kids like your dad brainwashed you, okay?" he proposed. I agreed with a laugh as he pulled me into a hug. It felt so nice to just be in his arms, knowing the truth. He loved me. John saying that to me was probably the best Christmas present anyone could have given me.

"I'm sorry I ruined your Valentine's Day plans," John whispered into my hair, "I didn't even know about this trip until last minute because I've been working from home. My brothers didn't think to send me the e-mail until this morning."

"It's alright, there's always next year," I told him.

"Was that another reason you don't want me to leave?" I shook my head, not releasing my arms from around his waist. "Can you tell me or do I have to guess?"

I took a deep breath, I knew it was now or never and the never part probably wouldn't go over very well with John. "I have some news to tell you. And I was going to wait until tonight. I had reservations at your favorite restaurant, and your mom has the kids for the night. I just wanted it to be you and me, and I wanted to celebrate it together. Then I wanted to go pick the kids up tomorrow and we could tell them together, but now that you're leaving I don't know when I'm going to tell them."

"Kenny, what is it that you have to tell me?" he asked.

"I'm really scared, John," I whispered.

"Why?"

"Because, I'm pregnant. We're gonna have another baby."


	9. Chapter 9

**Before we start this chapter, I would like to say thank you for all of the reviews and favorites and alerts. And I would also like to thank butterflydance21 for all of her help with this story, definitely wouldn't be what it is without her help and input! She's awesome!**

* * *

><p><strong>John's POV<strong>

Laughter. Probably not the best response, but it truthfully was the only thing I could do. Did she honestly think I was that stupid? Was she really trying to play her games again? Because at that moment in time I wasn't in the mood to play any games. My arms dropped from around her, though hers didn't leave my waist until she felt my upper body shaking from the sudden onslaught of uncontrollable laughter. I felt her rest her chin on my chest before realizing that I was laughing and then she pulled away from me, moving to get a better look at me I'm sure.

"What's- why are you laughing?" she asked.

"Because for a second I almost fell for that ridiculous ploy to make me stay home," I replied after getting a hold of myself, "Sometimes I question your sanity, Kendall."

"John, I- I'm not- my sanity?"

"Yes, your sanity. God, you can't even put a full sentence together. You obviously didn't think I would catch you in your petty lie that quickly and now you have nothing to say for yourself. Some days I don't know why I let myself like you, much less consider loving you," I shook my head, "Why would you try to do something so stupid?"

Without giving her a chance to reply, I walked away and made my way downstairs to finish getting ready to leave. She was probably too shocked to even move. Kendall has a problem where she doesn't think things through properly. She knows that I want more kids, so she lies about it. I'm not an idiot. I would know if my wife were pregnant or not. I mean, all of the symptoms she had with Noelle and Nova, they would have been a dead giveaway.

"You said you wouldn't throw my feelings in my face," I heard from behind me, when I turned around Kendall was standing there. Her grey eyes were unmistakably filled with tears that were threatening to spill over at any given moment.

"I didn't-"

"You said you didn't know why you let yourself like me. You don't know why you would consider being in love with me?" she asked, "After everything that has happened, you don't really have any right to be saying anything like that, John."

"When you lie to be about things you know I want to happen, why should I like you?" I shouted.

"How many times in the past four years have you ever been truthful to me?" she whispered, her voice sounding so meek after mine.

"Oh, so that's what this is about? A tit for a tat? It's okay for you to lie about being pregnant because I lied about not being in love with you? That's the way this is going to go from now on?" I answered a question with a question.

"No, that's not what this is about. But why is it fair to hold me at a double standard? And that wasn't even what I was getting at, your lying or my supposed lying. I was talking about everything you've done, all the pain you've caused me, and you don't know why you should even consider loving me?" she shook her head, "Maybe my father was right all these years, then. Why is it that just as I'm starting to believe he was wrong, someone just goes and proves him right? If you don't want to love me, then don't. I'm not going to make you."

"Kendall, your father-"

"Don't John. Just, I don't know, go on your little trip and have fun with your family, while I stay here and clean your house. I have a lot to figure out while you're gone, anyway, and I can't do any of it when you're standing right in front of me," she said, turning and walking into the kitchen.

"What are you going to figure out?"

"Well, I have to tell your kids that they're going to have a new brother or sister. I have to explain to them that their dad doesn't believe me. I have to explain to them that, even though I've got this thing growing in my uterus, I still love them. And then I have to explain why their dad won't be paying as much attention to them, because once he finally accepts the fact that I'm having another child, they will more or less be invisible to him. Oh and then there is the fun of telling your family," Kendall explained.

"You're still going with this whole 'I'm pregnant' scheme, then?" I asked my tone hard.

"You're still going with this whole 'It's a ploy to make me stay home' scheme, then?" she replied, "You did the same thing last time too. Except, it was more of a 'You're just saying that so I don't throw you out of the house' scheme. But ya know what, I'll just do what a good wife does and say 'Sure John, I'll just get un-three-months-pregnant for you, until you get back from your stupid little business trip that is more important than your family'. That sounds like a great idea."

"Damn, you're laying it on thick this time," I said with a shake of my head, "You're not telling the kids anything, because you're not going to be a stupid bitch and get their hopes up like you did mine. And you aren't telling my family either. Now I'm leaving because I honestly can't stand to be anywhere near your lying ass right now, and I'll see you when I get back from my business trip that will give my family a hell of a lot more money."

"So what am I supposed to do until you get back?" she asked as I turned my back on her.

"I don't know, Kendall," I growled, "I'm sure you'll figure something out. Then you'll probably lie about it when I get back."

"John-"

"Just stop trying to deny it. I know you're lying, you got caught, you can stop pretending," I said.

"What about-"she stopped abruptly, apparently thinking twice about her question and when I turned around I saw an overwhelming sadness in her eyes.

"What about what?" I replied with an annoyed sigh.

She shook her head, "I know you're going to yell at me, I want to know if I should be prepared for any crude remarks about my weight when you get home."

"For fucks sake, Kendall, I'm only going to be gone for two weeks!"

"I just-"

I walked out and slammed the door without letting her finish her sentence. I was tired of her lying and complaining. She needed to realize when enough was enough.

**Kendall's POV**

After John left, without even saying goodbye, it dawned on me that he'd be gone for two weeks. No comforting hug, no kiss on my forehead, just a cold shoulder. I knew that his phone calls would be few and far between, if he even called, and he wouldn't even want to talk to me, he'd want the kids. I wasn't sure what hurt more, the fact that he didn't believe me or the fact that he didn't even give me time to show him the proof. I'd taken a store bought test, and I'd even gone to the doctor. I was going to show him at dinner, I had everything prepared.

But he hadn't cared, at all. In fact hadn't even believed me. He thought I was lying, for the second time, about my pregnancy. I gave myself time to process that, though, after calling John's mom and asking if she'd still keep the kids for the night. Then, after deeply thinking about just saying 'Screw it' and drinking myself into oblivion, I had to think about the baby I was carrying. It was a strange feeling, when I'd discovered I was pregnant the first time, I was dreading it. This time I had been excited, I knew that this was what John wanted and I knew that John actually loved me. But now I was beginning to wonder if anything he'd told me was the truth.

So, after a terrible night of tossing and turning, I drove over to John's parents' house to pick up my three children. And when I got there, John's mom sent the kids back to the kitchen where they were still eating breakfast.

"John seemed a little uptight when he got here last night," Carol mentioned as we sat down on the couch in their family room, "He was pretty mum about whatever was bothering him, but when you called last night you sounded a bit upset as well. Is everything alright?"

I tried to nod, but added a slight shake of my head as well. It was like my head was turning circles around my neck, I'm sure.

"Would you like to explain that please?" she pressed, "In words."

Each time I opened my mouth to answer, the words wouldn't come out. I just wasn't sure what to tell her, John had told me to not tell anyone about the pregnancy, but I couldn't just lie to her. As I finally decided to tell her that we just had a disagreement, Alanna came running in the room holding up a piece of wobbly food.

"Momma, look! Nana gave us cheese!" she yelled with the largest smile on her face.

My stomach turned as she waved the dairy product in my face like a flag and I immediately held one hand to cover my mouth and nose. Carol shooed Alanna away quickly, seeing my reaction, and brought me a small wastebasket. Luckily, I'd calmed myself down enough and willed my stomach to stop churning to the point where I didn't need to use the basket, but the damage had been done. Just like when I had been pregnant with Noelle and Nova, cheese was a trigger and it wasn't a good one.

"Kenny-"

"Please don't say it," I said quietly.

"Does John know?"

I chuckled despite myself, "I was going to tell him last night. I had planned to go out for dinner and tell him when we got home, show him the tests and everything. I was so nervous but I was actually so excited this time. When he told me about the trip, I knew I had to tell him then and when I did he said I was lying just to get him to stay home. I, um, he didn't even let me show him, he didn't give me a chance. I wasn't supposed to tell his family, though. He said something about getting all of your hopes up like I did to him. And I'm not allowed to tell the kids. But how do I explain to them why I'm getting fat? I'm three and a half months; I'm already starting to show a little bit."

"What you didn't lose from Noelle and John Nova is going to fill in quickly," Carol agreed, "Kendall, I don't know if anyone of us has ever told you this but, we are your family too-"

"I don't have any family. No offense to you, because I love your family and your sons have done so much for me. But, my family left me a long time ago. My family left me before they even sent me here," I admitted.

"Just because the DiBiase's left you doesn't mean you can't be a Cena. I swear, Kendall, sometimes I think you're a better wife than Matt, Dan, and Steve's wives put together. Don't get me wrong, they are all wonderful and they love my sons, respectively, but you love all of my sons. You have taken time to get to know all of them, and even some of the men who work for the family. All of the dinner parties you have held, the other women wouldn't have had the patience you do. And on top of all of that, you put up with John Felix, which is a full time job in and of itself," Carol laughed, "You are an amazing young woman, Kendall, and I couldn't think of anyone better to be married to my son or raise my grandchildren."


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay guys, this is the last chapter I have already written. However, I promise that I will get more written and have another chapter for you by Friday! My schedule has been super crazy busy lately, so I haven't had much time and I've had a pretty large case of writer's block. But I will have a chapter for you next Friday! Thank you for the reviews and kind words. Thank you to _butterflydance21_ for all her help with this story and my other stories. You're the best in the world! (:**

* * *

><p><strong>Kendall's POV<strong>

"Have you heard from the guys yet today?" I asked Carol, hoping she would know when they were coming home.

"No. Not yet, I imagine John will call me in a few minutes," she mused, speaking about her husband, "Have you decided if you are staying or leaving?"

"We'll probably stay. I hate being in that house by myself. I'm sorry to have just moved in for the past two weeks," I said quietly, "I don't have anywhere else to go."

"You and the kids are always welcome here, Kendall. Even if you leave John," Carol assured me.

"I'm not leaving him. I don't think I could leave him," I admitted.

Carol's phone rang and she stepped out of the room to take the call. I sat lost in my thoughts until my kids came running in the room with cheese again. It seemed like they'd done this almost every day, some version of cheese was either in their hands, in their mouths, or on their plates and they would push it in my face. Just seeing the food made me feel sick, the smell of it was even worse.

"Mommy, do you want some cheese?" Noelle asked with a bright smile on her face.

"No thank you, cheese makes me not feel very good right now," I answered, trying to push the cheese away.

"Oh, man. Daddy told us to give you all our cheese. He said it was your favorite and you'd be really happy, but you haven't eaten any of it," Alanna sighed.

"Your- hold on. Your dad told you to give me the cheese?" they nodded, "Is that why you've been throwing cheese at me every day?" they nodded again, "Okay, guys. Daddy was wrong. I mean, I like cheese but right now it makes me really sick. If I eat it or even smell it, my tummy starts to not feel so good."

"I guess Daddy didn't know that," Noelle frowned.

"Is he bein' mean to you 'gain?" Nova asked.

Swallowing thickly, I shook my head, "Maybe he just forgot that it made me not feel good. I'll tell him when I talk to him, though. Okay?"

They nodded one last time before running from the room. It was so hard to lie to them and I felt every bit like my father when I did. My lies are nothing compared to his, but I didn't want to be that parent. My phone rang just as Carol walked back into the room and she mouthed 'John Felix' to me. When I looked at my phone, John's name and picture were lighting up the screen.

"Your kids miss you," I said in way of greeting.

"_What about my wife?"_ he asked.

"You mean the wife you claim to not believe but then con the kids into shoving something in my face that will make me throw up? She doesn't really care if she sees you or not right now," I answered, looking up to see Carol snickering.

"_So you caught on to the cheese thing?"_

"No, I asked them to stop because it was making me sick and they got really upset because you told them it was my favorite and I would be really happy if they gave it to me. You're such a jerk sometimes, John," I breathed as I tried to calm my anger.

John chuckled slightly, "_You're such a bad fake, Kendall. I'll bet you haven't even come close to getting sick-_"

"Your mom knows," I blurted out without thinking it through.

There was a minute of silence before he started screaming, "_What the fuck? I told you to keep your god damn mouth shut, but what do you do? Of course you can't fucking listen to me, ever. You have to turn to my mom and tell her, get her hopes up. She's probably tried to buy out the whole baby section. Why do you do shit like this, Kendall?"_

"I didn't tell her," I whispered.

"The fuck you didn't."

"John, please just listen to me," I tried to reason.

"_No, I'm done listening to you and your lies. I'm not going to do it,_" he said, "_Where the fuck are you?"_

"Why? And what do you care? You're not home," I told him only to have Carol shake her head, "You are home?"

"_Yes, and you're not. So where the fuck are you?_" he repeated.

"At your parents' house."

"_And why would you be there? Complaining to my mom about me?_" he growled.

"No, I just don't like to be home by myself," I said quietly.

"_You do realize that it's your fault you keep getting attacked, right? Maybe if you'd stop being a lying bitch people would like you a little more," _John said.

"Thanks, John. I didn't know that."

I closed my eyes and turned away from Carol, not wanting her to see how upset I was. I wished with everything I had that my heart would let me forget John. How could I love someone who did and said things like this to me? It was too much to ask him for a little sympathy, too much to ask him for a little compassion. There was no way he loved me. He'd gotten my hopes up again, strung me along like some lovesick teenager.

"_I'm coming to get you and the kids. Stop being a whiny bitch and have their stuff packed before I get there,_" he broke through my thoughts before hanging up on me.

**John's POV**

Pulling into the driveway, I tried to calm myself down. I couldn't explain why I'd gotten so angry. I couldn't explain why I'd yelled at her. I just couldn't trust her, even though she hadn't done anything wrong. But if I put the blame on her, I could feel less guilty.

Alanna and Noelle came running out the front door and met me on the porch in a tight hug. I'd missed them so much, I'd missed my family. It felt good being home again. Nova, however, stood just inside glaring at me. How did that kid always know when I did something wrong?

"Nova, am I gonna get a hug or are you just gonna stand there and stare at me?" I laughed.

He waited for his sisters to run back inside before saying, "You lied to us."

"I didn't lie to you-"

"Yes you did!" he yelled, "You said Mom liked cheese, but she doesn't. It makes her get really sick. You're bein' mean to her 'gain. I don't like you."

"Nova," Kendall said as she walked towards the door and bending down to look him in the eyes, "That's your dad. You can't say things like that to him. He loves you."

"No, he's mean to you. And after he be's mean to you he'll hurt you. I don't like it when he hurts you and be's mean to you," Nova told her.

"I'm not being mean to her. Come on, kid, I just got home," I said, "This is the first time I've seen her since I've been here."

"You make her sad," he shouted before running away from us and into the house.

Kendall called after him but he didn't turn around or stop. When she stood up and turned to me, I could see what he meant. She wasn't happy. There were dark circles around her eyes from lack of sleep and she just looked so empty. It was not the look she had before I left and I realized that I was the cause of that. My eyes travelled down to where her hands her holding her sweatshirt closed over her stomach and upper body before flickering back to her eyes. Kendall sighed before letting her arms drop to her sides, her sweatshirt falling open to reveal a small bump under her t-shirt.

"Kendall-"

"No, John, just don't. I honestly don't even know why I expected anything different this time," she whispered before turning and going into another room.

She came back, a few minutes later, hands full of bags with my mom in tow. My mom, ever the worrywart, was telling Kendall to put the bags down but when I tried to take them from her she yanked them away. I'd expected that. What I hadn't expected was what she told me.

"Don't try to help now. I'm lying remember?" she sneered before walking past me and out to the Hummer.

"John Felix," my mom hissed, "You're a first class jerk, ya know that right? You've got one kid in on my couch crying because he thinks you're being mean to his mom. And you've got a wife who is well on her way to hating you for everything you've done to her."

"Ma, I'm not in the mood for one of your lectures right now-"

"I don't care what you're in the mood for. You need to get your act together, you can't put Kenny on these rollercoaster rides and just expect her to bring the kids along. She's going to get off, sooner or later. And if you don't get your issues straight, it'll be a lot sooner than you think. I'll make sure of it."


	11. Chapter 11

**Oh my lanta! I've been trying to log on ALL day long, but the site kept saying that it wasn't loading or the connection was timed out. I don't know. ANYWAY! I am so sorry that it has taken me literally ALL day to get this to you. I finished it up this morningish and didn't even get it sent to my beta, _butterflydance21_, because the site was down. I hope you enjoy, and again, I apologize that it wasn't up earlier!**

* * *

><p><strong>John's POV<strong>

I watched as she put a smile on for our kids, but whenever they weren't in the room that smile dropped. It was non-existent around me unless one of the kids was there. She did everything she could to make life as comfortable for Alanna, Noelle, and Nova. She'd end up being the cool mom that every kid talked about, that every parent wanted to be.

Kendall was growing larger ever week it seemed, by now she was nearly six months pregnant, and the other three kids were excited. Alanna and Noelle had wanted to know right away if we were having a boy or a girl, while Nova and I finally agreed on something for the first time in months. We didn't want to know, we wanted it to be a surprise. It was much more fun that way.

"You shouldn't be making dinner," my mom chided as she walked into the kitchen where Kendall and I silently cooking together.

"I'm not doing much, I just like doing this stuff," Kendall shrugged, walking behind me to the fridge to pull something out that she needed.

"John Felix, you shouldn't let her do this. She should be sitting down, propping up her feet," Mom said, throwing a wadded up napkin at my head.

"He still doesn't believe me," Kendall muttered, quietly so my mom wouldn't hear, but not quiet enough for me to miss.

"Really?" I snapped, "How many times are you going to through that in my face?"

"Until it stops hurting," she blurted out, glaring at me before turning back chopping things for the salad.

"Kendall, I really wish you'd stop being so childish. It's been two months since you told me, no I didn't believe you right away. But when I got back from my business trip, it was kind of hard to deny," I admitted.

"See, that's the thing, John. You should have believed me. Name one thing that I have ever lied to you about. Tell me one thing that I have done to give you reason to not believe me. And it's not like this is the first time. It's the second time, you didn't believe me when I told you I was pregnant-"

"Okay, we get it. I didn't believe you the first time because we weren't even talking. And you told Randy before you told me-"

Kendall turned around quickly, "I told Randy because I was actually talking to him. I told him because he was my best friend and I trusted him to not tell anyone. At the time, I couldn't trust you. You hurt me, I thought you were a part of that- Oh, get that look off your face, I know you weren't. But back then I didn't. I would have told Randy before I told you this time too, if he were alive."

"Because you were in love with him," I smirked.

"Don't go there John. That's not even relevant with this conversation," she replied, frowning.

"You loved my dad?" a quiet voice asked from the doorway to the kitchen.

Swearing under her breath, Kendall turned to see all three of our kids standing in the kitchen. From what I could see of the looks on their faces, they'd heard that last part. "Did you love my dad?" Alanna repeated.

"Alanna that was a long, long time ago. But he didn't love me like that, he loved your mom. He met your mom and they fell in love. And I was very happy for them," Kendall said quietly. I couldn't tell if she was so quiet because she didn't want to upset Alanna or if she was trying to keep her voice steady.

"So does that mean you don't love Daddy?" Noelle asked, thoroughly confused.

"No, no, that doesn't mean that at all," was Kendall's quick response.

"Daddy doesn't love Mommy," Nova said angrily, "He be's mean to her and he hurts her."

"Guys, I'll explain it to you when you're all older, but right now you just wouldn't understand," Kendall tried to get them to drop the subject, but Noelle looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

"You don't love Mommy? You hurts Mommy?" she asked before sniffing and turning to run upstairs, followed by Nova and Alanna.

Kendall made a move to go after them, but I grabbed her by the arm and growled, "You're not going to walk away from another argument. We're going to finish this."

"My kids are more important than this argument, John. Their upset," she pleaded, struggling against my arm. When she realized I wasn't going to let go she looked to my mom, "Carol?"

"I'll go check on them," she nodded, speaking for the first time since she basically started this damn argument and quickly fled the room.

"John, let go-"

"Shut the fuck up and listen to me, Kendall, because I am only going to tell you this one time. I'm not sure when you got it in your fucked up little mind that you had any power in my house, and frankly I don't really care," I growled lowly, "Because it stops now. You are going to stop fighting with me on everything and you are going to start listening to me. Do you understand?"

"John, please-"

"Damn it, Kendall. I asked you if you understood, not to whine at me. I'm done listening to your whining, if I hear it anymore, I'm going to punish you and you're not going to like it," I snapped, truly meaning every word I said as I tightened my grip on her arm.

Wincing, she opened her mouth to say something but shut it quickly and shook her head. My eyes narrowed towards her and I pulled her closer to me. "You better give me the answer I want to hear and you better give it to me now."

"You never give me the answer I want to hear," Kendall said, though as soon as it slipped through her lips, she knew she shouldn't have said it. I felt my eyes glaze over and darken at her words.

Dragging her across the kitchen, I brought her to stand by the stove which still held the pans for dinner. The food was long forgotten but pan was still hot as I pressed her left forearm against it. Her scream echoed through the house as she tried to push away from me, she knew it was failed attempt. I was much stronger than she was. And I didn't plan on letting go of her.

**Kendall's POV**

"John Felix Anthony!"

He finally let go and I dropped to the floor, holding my arm close to me, as I crawled away from him. I was so afraid of him now. I hadn't been this scared of him in a long, long time. A hand touched my shoulder but I shied away from it, I shied away from him. The look in his eyes, the look on his face, the tone of his voice, nothing was _my_ John. He wasn't my John anymore.

"Babe, it's me."

I moved my eyes to see Tasha crouching next to me, concern flashing through her eyes. When I looked back up to John, I saw Sean standing in between us. I could only see his back, but his shoulders were hunched over in a somewhat fighting stance. Whimpering, slightly, I pushed myself even further away; suddenly afraid of what was going to happen.

"Sean, don't," Tasha said softly, "Come help me, please."

Shaking my head, I told them I wanted to go upstairs. I wanted my kids, I wanted to hold them and tell them things were going to be alright. But they weren't seeing it that way.

"You need to go to the hospital," Sean whispered, putting one arm underneath my knees and the other around my back, picking me up effortlessly despite the fact that I was nearly ten pounds heavier than normal. "We need to get your arm checked out."

I shook my head again, "No, I want to see my kids."

"Shut the fuck up Kendall," John growled still standing by the stove, "Sean put her down. She's not a fucking invalid, she can walk."

"I'm not your bitch, John. I'm not going to listen to whatever you tell me to," Sean told him, "If that's what you think then you can forget seeing Tasha and me."

"Then get the fuck out of my house. Leave me and my family alone," John said. But when Sean started to walk away, still holding me, John got even more pissed. "I told you to put her down. She is not leaving my house unless I tell her she can."

"John, you don't own her. She isn't a piece of-"

"Property?" John laughed as Tasha tried to defend me, "Do you remember why she's here in the first place? Of course she's a piece of property. And she's my property, she belongs to me."

"I'm not leaving her here with you. Not when you're acting like this," Tasha said.

"It's not really your decision, Tasha. Unless you've forgotten why you're still here," he shot back at her.

"Will those kids ever be good enough for you John? She gave you what you wanted; she gave you more than you asked for. But it's never been enough for you. Will they ever be good enough in your eyes?" Tasha asked.

"It's not the quality or the quantity of the kids, Tasha. You'll understand that when you have your own," he answered.

"Then what is it?"

"It's the dumb bitch they came from."


	12. Chapter 12

**Let me tell you, it has been one heck of a week. Once again, I didn't have time to get this beta'd. I'm sorry, I feel terrible and I feel like I'm totally neglecting my beta, _butterflydance21. _I hope you enjoy this chapter and I also hope that I will be able to get ahead of myself again. Thank you for all of your amazing reviews, they definitely make me want to keep this story going!**

* * *

><p><strong>Kendall's POV<strong>

I finally convinced Sean to put me down, all the while having John yell at me to stop talking. And I convinced Sean and Tasha that I was okay, that I didn't need to go to the hospital. It took longer to convince them that it was safe for them to leave, but they did eventually after I whispered to them that they were only making John angrier by staying.

Seeing them out the front door, I snuck upstairs without John seeing me from the kitchen. I found Carol comforting my kids in Noelle's bedroom, they were visibly upset and their eyes were wide when I walked in. Being mindful of my now injured arm, I hugged all three of them and assured them that I was fine before telling them that I'd call for pizza and putting a movie on for them.

Carol followed me out of their room and into the master bedroom where I walked into the bathroom searching for any kind of burn cream. When I couldn't find any in my own bathroom I turned to her, "Can you go look through the other bathrooms for burn cream? Something not oil-based?"

"Kendall-"

"Please just- I need to get some kind of cream on my arm before it gets worse and these Braxton-Hicks contractions are killing me right now," I told her softly.

"You're having contractions?"

"Carol, please," I begged, "I'm trying to calm myself down but my arm hurts really bad right now and it's raising my blood pressure and I can feel it stressing out the baby. If I can get some kind of cooling on my arm I can get the baby to settle down."

"Okay, I'll go. I'll be right back," she promised before backing out of the room.

Alone for the moment, I tried to take a few deep breaths. It wasn't working very well though, the contractions were too strong and I knew they weren't Braxton-Hicks. These contractions were real; it was the same thing I felt when I was going into labor with Nova and Noelle. I just hoped that I could make them stop on my own, I was only 6 months along and I didn't want to be forced into having this baby so early. If anything happened, I couldn't even think about what would happen.

"I found a few different things," Carol announced as she practically ran back into the room, "And I think I heard John walking up the stairs on my way back."

Nodding, I reached from the tube of burn cream but she only shook her head. "Carol, I need to get that on my arm."

"I'll do it. You tell me what happened," she compromised.

"Nothing happened. I just don't know when to keep my mouth shut. You think that after 28 years I'd know better, I'll learn eventually, I suppose," I told her, "Thank you for keeping the kids preoccupied. And for this."

"They were really worried about you. We heard you scream and it scared them. It scared me," Carol admitted, "What did he do?"

"It's not important," I shook my head, not wanting to have this conversation, just as another contraction started and I winced as the muscles tightened, "These contractions are hurting."

"Scale of one to ten?" Carol asked, going into not only 'mom' mode but 'nurse' mode too.

"Twenty," I answered honestly, knowing I couldn't lie about the fact that I was going into labor, especially this early.

"These aren't Braxton-Hicks contractions, are they Kendall?" she asked me, sighing when I shook my head. She finished wrapping the gauze around my arm and taping it down before she led me out to the bedroom and made me lie down on the bed just as John walked into the room.

He looked like he was feeling mixed emotions, like he was fighting with himself, though I couldn't tell exactly what it was over. But then his eyes glazed over again and he all but growled at me, "Throwing yourself another pity party?"

"You forced her into early labor, John, I'm trying to get her to calm down," Carol snapped back at him as I closed my eyes, "If you're not going to be helpful and try to lower her blood pressure and stop the contractions, then go order pizza for your kids."

"I already ordered the pizza, and I've been in to see my kids already," John said, a little more calmly this time before climbing onto the bed, his head near my stomach. I flinched a bit as his fingers skimmed my overly large belly and John whispered, "Relax."

It was hard to do, especially with him so close to me again. I didn't want to relax; I didn't want to let my guard down. Just before I took a deep breath, I promised myself that I wouldn't believe a word that John said ever again. I couldn't let my heart feel the way it was feeling, never again.

And then John was gently massaging my stomach, from the middle to my sides. It was soothing, and even more so when I heard him faintly telling the baby to settle down. But it was heartbreaking as well. Mostly just because he'd proved that my father was right. At some point in a previous life, I'd done something, something horrendous enough to make me unlovable in this life.

**John's POV**

Kendall eventually fell asleep. And my mom pulled my out of the room by my ear. She just glared at me before going downstairs to answer the door for the pizza delivery. Feeling conflicted, at best; I sat down on the steps with my head in my hands and sighed. Why had I done that? Why had I hurt Kendall, again? And why did I continue to hurt her? How could I say that I loved her when I had done so much to hurt her?

"Daddy?"

I felt her sit next to me on the steps, lean against me slightly, and wrap her small hands around my arm. She was trying to comfort me, the only way she really knew how and I guess for a seven year old, Alanna was doing pretty well. It was nice, honestly, to have someone comfort me.

"I'm sorry baby. I didn't mean to upset you guys earlier," I told her, "I wasn't thinking."

"Did she really love him?" Alanna asked, her voice quiet almost unsure of what she was asking, "Did she want to marry him?"

"I don't really know what she wanted, but I do know that she loved him," I answered honestly, "But like she said earlier, he didn't love her the same way. He loved her the way you love Nova, not the way Aunt Tasha loves Uncle Sean. Your dad loved your mom so much, Alanna, from the moment he saw her. I remember him calling me that night and telling me that he'd just met the woman he was going to marry."

"Do you think that if he married Ken doll, he would still be alive?"

"I think that if it was truly his time to go, then nothing would have stopped it. And if he had married her instead, I don't know if you would even be alive. It could have been someone else instead. Al, you have to remember that not everything is guaranteed. Anything can change in the blink of an eye-"

"Will you ever love her? The way she loves you, the way she loved my dad? The way my dad loved my mom?" she asked.

"I don't know, Alanna. I mean, I want to, but I don't know if I can love her. Loving someone doesn't just happen, and you can't learn to love someone either. What I do know is that you and Noelle and Nova, I do love. And I love the new baby too. I want you to know that, no matter what happens," I said.


	13. Chapter 13

**Carol's POV**

We could do nothing but sit by and watch as Kendall closed herself off and John did nothing to stop it. The rest of the family was afraid that he would get so angry with her again, we didn't want to be the cause of that. The only time I could count on seeing her smile was when the kids were around, but even that was happening less as the twins started school.

When the baby was born, overdue by nearly a week, Kendall was at the happiest I'd seen her. They'd had another boy, and this time at the request of Alanna, had named him Keith. Keith Sean Felix Cena, I felt it was a strong, solid name. And he was such a good baby. He barely cried, only when he was hungry, and even then it was hardly a whimper. But, good things last a little while and Kendall closed off to us again.

"What do you think we should do?" my husband, John Sr. asked. At this point, Keith was nearing four months and Christmas time was rolling around yet again. My John had been rather angry with John Felix for the things he'd done to Kendall. We just knew things were happening behind closed doors that we weren't aware of, but we intended to put a stop to it.

"I'm not sure. What can we do? How can we fix it?"

"This is not what we had intended when Kendall was asked to marry John. We did not want him to hurt her like this, I know he has an anger problem, but she has always been so sweet," he told me.

After a while we sat down with Tasha and Sean, they were to be married on New Year's Eve, it would be a celebration to bring in the New Year and end the last one on a good note. John Sr. and I wanted to know if they had any information on what was going on or what had happened between Kendall and John. Tasha, after all, had lived with them for the first year or so of their marriage.

When I asked, however, she was very hesitant about saying anything, "I don't want to lose their trust. I know what you're asking; I just don't want to disrespect what they've given me."

"Tasha, we need to know," John started, "I understand where you're coming from. 'Don't bite the hand that feeds you'. But you have to see that we want to help Kendall, we aren't trying to see whether you'll snitch us out. This is about family, we want to protect our family and you and Kendall are our family."

"Kendall doesn't believe that," Tasha spoke quietly, almost as if she was unsure of what she was saying, "For so long, her dad told her that no one loved her. He would tell her that no one would ever love her, and she believed him. She'd been let down and heartbroken by the one person she'd truly loved, and then John came. When he brought her here, and then me, he was so kind at first. Other than the night of their wedding-"

As Tasha shuddered, I realized something happened, "What? What went wrong on the night of their wedding?"

"John thought Kendall had cheated on him, before they were even married. They hadn't had sex with each other before the wedding, so the wedding night was supposed to be special. That's the way Kendall wanted it. But, John he found the marks that Hunter made when he basically raped Kendall," Tasha took a deep breath before continuing, "I just remember that they got into an argument, and the next morning Kendall said he'd thrown her down the stairs. Well, I guess it was a drop, more than a throw, but still."

"Is that all?" John Sr. asked.

"He apologized, a million times. When we got back from that cruise was the worst, though. Kendall was a mess, and then John told her he cheated on her with Hunter's ex-wife. She found out almost a year ago that it was lie, but it only reiterated that fact that no one loved her. Kendall still loved him, you can't just turn it off," Tasha said, reaching for Sean's hand, "John's been really emotionally abusive to her, just saying things about how fat she is and how ugly she is. I know that she's afraid of him, she knows what he's capable of."

"Sean? Do you know anything?"

"A few years back, when Noelle and Nova were still babies, I remember walking into their house and hearing John just screaming at Kendall. When I found them in the kitchen, he had her backed into a corner more or less, and he was just reaming on her. I don't know what it was for, but she was definitely scared," he told us.

"Are you afraid of him?" John Sr. asked Tasha.

She shook her head with a sigh, "It may sound weird, but no. He and I have had a talk about him hitting me; he knows what the DiBiase's did to me. I'm not sure why, but I believe him when he says he won't hurt me. He never made that promise to Kendall."

"In fact," Sean added, "He told her he couldn't promise that, if I remember correctly."

**John's POV**

"Kendall! Keith needs to eat," I yelled up the stairs, hearing her mutter something that sounded a lot like 'Thanks for the reminder, because I forget when my son needs to eat' before politely saying 'okay'.

I decided to wait until she finished feeding him and put him down for a nap in his crib before making a big deal out of it, but she could tell by the look on my face I wasn't happy. She took an extra-long time, more time than was necessary, to feed, change, and lay him down before I could finally pull her downstairs with me and away from the kids. Kendall pulled away once, but I shot her a look that put a stop to it.

"What is your problem?" she asked as I rounded on her in the living room.

"Do you ever stop talking back? Or do you just enjoy pissing me off?"

She swallowed hard, nearly audibly as she shook her head, "I didn't-"

"Don't give me that bullshit, Kendall. I fucking heard you," she stepped away from me as I took one closer, "I am not going to deal with you trying to one up me all the time, it's not going to work. I always win. Always."

Kendall's back hit the wall just as I stepped against her, not letting her move anywhere, and she whispered, "Please don't."

"Why not? You do things just to piss me off; every time you open your mouth you annoy the hell out of me, Kendall. Why shouldn't I?" I didn't even yell, I was quite calm in fact.

"I'm sorry. I don't try to upset you-"

"You just love to lie to me, don't you?" laughing, I shook my head, "I'm not listening to your excuses."

"Excuses for what?"

I turned around to see my parents standing in the doorway, having let themselves in, and I immediately jumped to the conclusion that Kendall had called them. They'd been showing up, unannounced, so many times in the past few months. They were obviously checking in on me, trying to catch me doing something.

"Excuses for being less than a human being," I shrugged, too blinded by my anger to notice that Kendall had slipped out from behind me.

"Jonathon Felix Anthony," my mom scolded, "Why would you even say something like that?"

"Because it's the truth," I said, "I'm sick of her being this stupid, brainless bitch that she plays. You may think she's all innocent, but she is the reason my anger flares up. She causes it."

"John, you know that's not true-"

"Dad you don't know what is or isn't true. You don't live in my house, you aren't here all day every day," I told them.

"Maybe not, but I've heard plenty of things. I know that you coerced Kendall into having kids when she didn't want them. I know that you made her believe that you loved her, you are breaking her. Can't you see that?" he asked.

"I don't care. You don't know, she wants those kids. And I do love her-"

"If you loved her then you wouldn't do the things you do to her. You wouldn't say the things you say to her," my mom said.

"It doesn't matter anyway," Kendall said quietly, "I know he doesn't love me, I've always known. It was just nice to pretend I could have someone love me, for once."

She looked around apologetically before walking out of the room and I gaped after her. What had I done?


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey, guys, guess what! I've had this chapter finished for like almost a weekish! AND it's been beta'd! Yay for me! Go check out butterflydance21 and her stories! They are amazing! I love love love love them! She does great work and is just amazing! Yay!  
>Thank you for all of the reviews, favorites, and alerts. They mean a ton! It's weird, I was reading this story the other day, and in the author note they said something along the lines of not believing in favorites, or whatever. And I was thinking, how could you not? I mean, some people might just not know what to write in those little things. I know I don't, I very rarely review on the stories I read, simply because I don't know what to say. But, whatever, I guess it's just personal opinion.<strong>

**Okay, well onto the story!**

* * *

><p><strong>Kendall's POV<strong>

I was standing over Keith's crib, watching him sleep. It was a sort of therapy for me, my kids had a calming effect over me and the way they looked at me, I knew that I'd taught them to love. For once in my life, I had people who loved me. The only problem was that I was the one taking care of them, they were my children, they came from me. I would never know what it felt like to be loved by a father, sibling, mother, husband. And the only way I knew to deal with that fact was to not love in return. Why should I love John? Why should I waste my energy giving him something that I know I'll never get back? Why should I give him my heart when he'll just break it?

Carol and Tasha said that I was a part of the family. My mind could comprehend that very well. I was forced into this family, all the other wives married out of love. I was traded and I was used, I didn't mean anything to them. I couldn't mean anything to them.

My thoughts were broken and I turned around quickly when I heard someone clear their throat. Carol was standing just inside the doorway to the nursery, with Tasha right behind her. Their faces were sad, and their eyes were trying to gauge my reaction. They had something to tell me. Glancing at Keith one last time, I walked towards them and closed the door behind us.

Once out in the hall, Carol looked at Tasha who took a deep breath, "My brother just called me."

"Trent?" I questioned, confused, "Why? I wouldn't think that you'd have any contact with him. He was so close with my father and my brothers."

"Trent hated what they were doing to me," Tasha shook her head; "I've been talking to him in some way or another since I moved here."

"He was always so mean to me. He'd get this sinister smile on his face whenever he brought me to my father, especially if he knew I was going to be in trouble and I didn't," I said quietly, still not understanding where this was going.

"Ken, please focus. This isn't about what Trent did; it's about what he told me. God, I don't want to be the one to have to tell you this," she paused and closed her eyes, letting a lone tear slip from her eye, "It's your mom-"

"What about my mother?" my head quickly snapped up to look at them fully.

"She passed away, Trent said she'd been sick for a while and she finally just gave in. Their having a funeral at the end of the week," Tasha explained, though I was barely listening anymore.

She'd loved me. The only person to mean it, and now she was gone. She wasn't allowed to tell me, she wasn't allowed to show me. He'd gotten mad when she told me. But I knew she'd meant it, despite what he'd said. "No, you must be wrong. She is still alive, yeah? She needs to meet my kids; they need to know their grandmother. I'll send for her, she can live here and I'll take care of her. John won't even notice. I promise I'll be good, I won't talk back anymore. Just, please?"

They were both silent, looking at me out of sad eyes again. My head felt like it was going to explode. I knew they didn't really care; I wasn't a part of them. I wasn't one of them. Now I'd lost the only person I could really call family, the only people I had left were my kids. And even then, I knew that one day they'd leave me too.

"Please?" I said again as I felt my eyes filling up with tears.

"Please what?" John's voice came from behind me, "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing," I told him, shaking my head and looking at the floor. He wouldn't care. He'd taken me away from them; he'd brought me here where I had nothing. I didn't have anything with them, either, though.

"Melanie DiBiase passed away early this morning," Carol told him, her voice soft as I took a choked breath in. This couldn't be true.

"Who's Melanie?" John asked, looking to me, then back at Carol and Tasha when I shook my head.

"She was Kendall's mom. Ted DiBiase Sr.'s wife," Tasha explained, "My older brother called me this morning and told me. There is a funeral-"

"We're not going," John said, adamantly, "There is no way I am going anywhere near those damn people. And my kids aren't either."

"John, this was their grandma," Carol started before he cut her off.

"And how many times did she see them? How many birthday parties did she see? Do they even know she exists?" he asked, "No, we're not going. Absolutely not."

"It wasn't her fault," I whispered, "She had nothing to do with the things my father and brother's did. I didn't even get to say good bye. I don't even know if she knew that I was leaving."

"That was five years ago, Kendall. We have a strict 'No DiBiase' policy. We aren't going," he repeated.

"This is her mother, John Felix. How can you deny her this? Would you want someone to deny you saying goodbye to me one last time?" Carol asked.

**Tasha's POV**

"God, I never thought I'd be back here," I whispered to Kendall as I held her hand tightly, "You saved me, Ken."

She shook her head, but didn't look at me, "John saved you. I can't even save myself."

The two of us took a deep breath as we walked up the steps and knocked on the front doors to the DiBiase mansion. There were obvious signs of the downfall of Ted DiBiase Sr. because the house was not as beautiful as it had been when we'd lived there. The paint was chipping off and it just looked dirty.

"Are you girls going to knock or are we just going to stand here all day?" John asked, grouchily, from behind us.

He'd finally agreed, after compromising with Kendall to leave Alanna, Noelle, and Nova at home with Matt and Colby, his wife. Keith was still too young to leave behind, but I think Kendall needed to have some sort of comfort with her as well. John had done nothing but complain the whole way down to Mississippi and I could tell it was messing with Kendall's head.

She reached a shaky arm out and paused for a moment before banging on the door to the house her family lived in. When she dropped her arm back down, Sean and John came up to flank our sides with Carol behind us holding Keith in his car seat. I could hear Kendall breathing, and I grabbed her hand again, I knew how she felt. I was just as afraid to be standing outside of this house as she was. We'd gone through so much here.

The door opened, showing a housemaid who'd been there for as long as Kendall could probably remember. The woman, Leah, smiled at us, recognizing Kendall right away and ushered all of us in before she went to find Mr. Ted. Apparently, according to Leah, he was just a wreck now that his wife was gone. One look at Kendall and I knew she wasn't believing that.

"Well, what do we have here?" a familiar, eerie voice asked from the floor above us.

I stepped closer to Sean, who wrapped an arm around my shoulders, as I said, "I don't want to be here anymore. Can we stay in a hotel?"

"Hotel, please," Kendall whispered, she hadn't moved from her spot and her eyes were wide as she looked up at her twin brother, "This was a mistake. I don't want to be back here."

"Brett, leave the Cena's alone. They are here as guests, for your mother's funeral. Don't disrespect her in the afterlife." I looked up and saw Kendall's dad walking toward us, his eyes locked with Kendall's.

"So that means the Barreta whore is still up for grabs," Brett called back, amusement in his tone.

"Actually no," Sean said, "We got married a month ago."

"I'm not a whore," I whispered harshly, elbowing Sean in his ribs.

**John's POV**

After what seemed like hours, Kendall finally broke eye contact with her dad and looked at the floor. She was shaking, and as I went to attempt to comfort her she flinched away from me. Of course that didn't go unnoticed by her dad or her brother, who snickered a bit.

"Ken-"

"Can we please leave?" she whispered so quiet I had to strain to hear her, "Please?"

I turned her, making her face me and took her face in my hands as I bent down to press our foreheads together, "Kendall you wanted to come here. We just got here, not even a second ago. I'm not leaving right this second."

"Kendall Grace," her dad's voice broke us out of our conversation, "Come here, let's talk."

The two of us walked closer to him, leaving my mom with Keith, Tasha and Sean still just inside the door. Her steps her slow, nervous, but he wasn't too far away from us. Kendall was more afraid of being here than she was of being home. It wasn't right, no one should be afraid of going to their childhood home.

"Father-"

"Has she been good?" the older man asked me, rewording when I gave him a confused look as I didn't understand his question, "Has she been a good wife? I've heard rumors; I want to be sure they aren't true."

I nodded slowly, "Yes, she's been fine."

"Fine?" he scoffed, "You've only been fine? Did nothing I teach you stick in that stupid brain of yours, Kendall? Wait, of course it didn't. It never did, you're too dumb to understand anything."

"I've tried-"

"You shouldn't have to try, you should only do. You don't ask questions, you don't talk unless talked to, you do everything you're told. How hard is that to understand?" he asked her, his talked to her as if he was scolding a young child.

"It isn't, I'm sorry, Father," Kendall answered quietly, looking down at her feet.

"It shouldn't be, but you seem to have made it so," he shook his head, disapprovingly; "I heard you started problems with Hunter Helmsley. Is that true?"

Kendall shook her head quickly, finally looking up at her dad, "No, I didn't start it-"

"So there were problems? You said 'it'. You had a problem with Helmsley. Did you cheat on John?"

"Alright, I think that's enough interrogation of my wife," I said, stepping in, seeing how uncomfortable Kendall was.

"No, I want to know. Did my daughter cheat on you?" the man repeated his question.

"No, she didn't. He raped her," I answered, "But he's been dealt with, I dealt with him."

"She probably deserved it," that voice from above called down to us again and I growled in response.

"Brett, bring Mike down here and the two of you take the Cena's to their rooms. I believe Kendall can use her old room," Ted said.

"Does that mean the Baretta whore can use her old room? Because that is always a good time."

"She's married," Sean reiterated.

"I am not a whore, Sean!"


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey guys, I am sorry that this is so short. I've been dealing with a lot of personal and family stress at the moment. It has unfortunately been effecting my writing as well as my school work. I hope to get more to you next Friday, with more substance. I am also sorry if this is not the best. **

**I would like to thank my beta, _butterflydance21_, for all of her amazing input. Go read her stories, they are absolutely awesome!**

* * *

><p><strong>Kendall's POV<strong>

I hated this house. It was terrible growing up in it and it was terrible being back. So many memories, so many things I didn't want to remember. But I didn't have anyone to keep them from coming back. John had gotten dragged into some kind of meeting with my father, he'd be angry with me when he gets back to my room. Sean and Tasha were in a guest room across the house and I didn't want to bother them, I knew it was just as hard for her to be back in this house as it was for me. Carol had taken Keith to her room, saying that I needed alone time.

I didn't.

After a hot shower, trying to clear my mind, I stood at the end of the bed in a pair of lounge pants and a sports bra, searching through my suitcase for a t-shirt. I hadn't even heard the door open until he spoke.

"You got a tattoo?" his voice made me jump, grabbing the nearest shirt and covering myself, I turned around to see Brett standing just behind me. "Dad is going to be so pissed."

"Do you know how to knock?" I asked, turning back around and slipping the shirt over my head. "It's not like the tattoo is any less permanent than what you guys did, so why does it matter? I'm not a DiBiase anymore."

He grabbed onto my arm, flinging me across the room in one swift motion. I grunted as I hit the closet door and heard him say, "You will always belong to us."

Sitting up, I leaned against the door for a minute, trying to get my breath back. When I finally got the strength to stand up, Brett stalked over to me. He had a smirk plastered to his face, one that I knew meant I was in trouble, and he asked if I wanted to play a game.

"Brett, I know how your stupid games work-"

He swung his right hand at my face, as if to backhand me, and I brought my own hands up to cover myself. I flinched, and felt his left hand punch my side, driving out all of the air in my lungs. Coughing, I doubled over as he laughed.

"Apparently, you forgot this game," his tone was so smug. He was right, though. I'd forgotten my least favorite game, the one he liked the most. "You took my whore away. I was going to marry her the day she turned 18, and you took her away."

Brett pushed me to stand up before aiming a punch at my stomach, my arms following his hand, quickly, to protect myself. I flinched again, and his other hand sent my face whipping around as the sickening sound of skin against skin rippled through the room.

"Please stop-"

"I don't listen to stupid bitches like you," he said. How he kept so calm was beyond me. "You're husband obviously hasn't been teaching you to mind, so I'll do it for him."

"But I haven't done anything wrong," I pleaded.

His fist curled into a fist again, going for my stomach again. This time I didn't flinch, I didn't try to stop the blow. And I cried out as his hand drove all the air out of my body again. I was wheezing, trying to get some kind of oxygen into my lungs and my eyes stung with tears. Tears that I knew I couldn't cry. If I cried, it would be worse.

"Brett, please-"

"What the hell is going on here?"

My twin brother turned quickly, hearing our father's voice. "We were just talking-"

"It doesn't look like talking to me," John interrupted. He was angry, and I self-consciously rubbed my scarred forearm.

"Brett, I told you to leave the Cena's alone. That includes your sister," my father said sternly.

"She belongs to us! They haven't given us anything for her," Brett yelled angrily.

"You haven't told them?" John asked quietly.

When I looked up, he was glaring at my father. My head told me that I didn't want to know what they were talking about, but my heart told me that I needed to know. And when Brett asked, I felt like my world was stopping until John spoke again.

"We paid you. For Kendall, two years ago. Your dad came to us, asking for a favor. He needed money. The only thing we could do was give you what you'd been offered for the one thing we took," John explained. "So she doesn't belong to you, she belongs to me. And I would appreciate it if you kept your hands off her, and my sister-in-law, Tasha."

I watched numbly as Brett nodded, dumbfounded. Silently, he and my father walked out of the room. I couldn't move, my brain wouldn't tell my feet to move, as I leaned against the closet door. When John turned to look at me, my knees gave out and I slid down to the floor in defeat. I couldn't win. I couldn't get ahead. They would always have the upper hand.

"Kendall?" He sounded concerned. I knew better though, he didn't care. He never would care. "Priceless?"

"Don't call me that," I nearly growled at him. "I'm not priceless to you. You bought me."

As I pushed myself off the floor, I realized how I weak I just sounded. I found myself going through the questions in my head all over again. Why hadn't I been enough? What had I done that made me so worthless to everyone? When will I get to be happy? When will they stop hurting me?

"Are you okay?"

I shook my head, not caring that he didn't understand what I was referring to. I wasn't okay. I never would be okay. I had no one, no one who really knew what it felt like.

"Did he break anything?"

I shrugged as I walked to the bed, wanting my kids. I didn't see how it mattered if anything was broken. But when I went to lie down, John grabbed my arm. The same spot Brett had grabbed, the bruise forming deep underneath my skin. I winced, but he didn't seem to notice. Either that or he just didn't care. Most likely the latter.

"Damn it, Kendall. Would you fucking talk to me?" he asked. "You're acting like a stuck up bitch."

"Slaves aren't supposed to talk to their masters," I said quietly. The darkening in his eyes told me it was the wrong thing to say.

**John's POV**

I rolled my shoulders, trying to release some of my anger. I wasn't as angry at her as I was at her family. I was angry at the things they'd done to her; Kendall was just always the target. And she knew what to say to push me over the edge.

"You're not a slave, Kendall," I said through gritted teeth.

"You treat me like a slave, bought me like a slave, hit me around like a slave," her voice was quiet and I knew that she was nearly crying. "I take care of your kids. Take care of your needs. Then get hit if you don't like something I do. If it looks like one, walks like one, talks like one, then what do you get?"

"Kendall-"

"What do I do for you?" she asked, pulling her arm out from my grip and sitting down on the bed. "What don't I do for you?"

Shaking my head, I looked at her, confused, "I don't know. What does it matter?"

"You told my father that I wasn't being a good wife. I just, I'm not sure what you want me to do to be better. I don't know what else to do for you," Kendall said quietly.

"Oh, so now you want to be better? Because I told your father on you? Grow up, Kendall. You're a fucking adult," I told her. "You're upset because your daddy yelled at you?"

"I thought I was being good for you. I'm sorry," she shook her head and quickly wiped at her eyes. "I didn't know that you weren't happy. I thought that I was doing everything you wanted me to, I was doing everything you asked."

A knock at the door stopped the conversation and I left Kendall to wallow in her own self-pity on the bed while I answered. My mom stood outside the door, holding my youngest son, who looked sleepy. I took him from her, thanked her for watching him for us, and shut the door behind her.

"I'll take him," Kendall said quietly, getting up from the bed and reaching for Keith. Reluctantly, I let her have him, watching as she rocked him to sleep, easily. If it were me, he would have fought it, but he just molded his body against Kendall's and fell asleep. She looked up at me, watching me stare at her. "What?"

"I like seeing you hold my kids," I told her softly.

"But you don't like me," she responded, gently putting Keith in the travel crib we'd brought with us before getting into bed herself.

"Don't start that shit, Kendall."

"It's the truth, though. I'm a burden to you, and I don't even know what I did. But I'm not allowed to leave and unburden you, because you paid for me. You own me; I'm not even a person to you, John. I'm an object, and that's all I'll ever be."


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you all for the kind words. It really does mean a lot.  
>I am sorry to say that I have not gotten this chapter beta'd. I just simply did not have the time to write it all and get it sent to my beta, <em>butterflydance21<em>, and I apologize for that. I hope you still like it. And hopefully I will get back on track with this, and my other stories soon.**

* * *

><p><strong>John's POV<strong>

Waking up to an empty bed in the middle of the night always made me angry. But waking up in the middle of the night to an empty bed in the DiBiase house, made me slightly worried. I looked over to Keith's travel crib; he was sleeping like a rock, as always.

I pushed myself up, seeing the baby monitor gone, and left the room in search of Kendall. This house was much too large for its own good. Granted, the whole DiBiase clan and most of their servants lived there, but I preferred the way most of our families did it. We lived separately, each had our own separate hand in what we did best, and raised our families the way we felt best. Ted DiBiase Sr., however was more of an old-school, traditionalist.

Hearing voices, I quietly made my way to the room where Kendall had first learned that she would have to marry me. If I remembered correctly, it was her father's study, a room that was much too large and seemed to be set up like a King's counsel, with the exception of the desk Ted Sr. and his sons sat and stood behind.

"Is there anything you've done right in all the years you've been on this earth?"

His cold voice rang out through the room, unmistakably. And I didn't have to wait long to hear who he was talking to. Kendall's response was clear, though more quiet than her father's. "I've tried, Father. I don't know what more you want from me."

Looking through the slightly open door, I saw DiBiase give her a once over as he walked around her. "You've gotten fat. Do you not remember all of the workouts I set up for you?"

"I've given birth to three children, sir. It is not from lack of-"

"Do you not know what a gym is? Surely the money John makes for his family is enough to provide you a membership?" he complained.

"I'm afraid that I'm not allowed to leave the house, unless I am going to his parent's house or picking my children up from school," Kendall answered.

"What have you done?" his growl was deep and low, though he didn't give her a chance to answer his question, as he answered it himself. "You've made a fool out of me. You've made me look as if I don't know how to raise my own children. You're rules were simple, Kendall. You do as he says, when he says. You do not, under any circumstance, talk back to him. You most certainly do not ask him questions. And you keep your damn mouth shut about our family finances. You've done none of those."

"Father, I assure you, I have followed your rules. John has other rules as well, and they change. Though he never quite tells me when they will change-"

"You're excuses are pointless," DiBiase interrupted with a shake of his head. Once again he circled my wife. "You've cut your hair. It's far too short."

"Sir, I have four children. I cannot manage long hair, as well as young children-"

"You just got finished saying you had three, now you have four?" the man asked.

"No, sir, I said I've given birth to three. John and I adopted a child, before we had our biological children," Kendall explained softly.

"You are a mess, Kendall. You cannot take care of yourself, much less your husband. How does he suppose you take care of your children?"

"I am a good mother," she argued.

"You are not good at anything. You are a waste of space. If you believe that you will ever be any more than that, you are wrong," his voice was hard, cold, uncaring.

I watched as Kendall looked at her feet, "I know."

"Good," he took another look at her, before pulling at her clothes. "What are you wearing?"

"They are pajamas-"

"Baggy sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt? You wear for pajamas? You are married, Kendall. Surely your husband does not find you anywhere near attractive in these clothes," the older man picked. "If I was your husband, you would wear short nightgowns, if anything at all."

"John hasn't mentioned anything about my-"

"When was the last time you had sex?" Ted Sr. asked.

"Father, I don't believe this is a conversation I wish to have with you," Kendall answered. "I don't feel my private life with my husband is your concern."

"Of course it's my concern. Everything you do is my concern. If you are not keeping him happy, he will send you back to me. I do not want you, I never have and I never will. No one wants you," he growled. "Now answer my question."

"B-before Keith was born," Kendall whispered, her voice cracking slightly.

"And how old is this Keith?" he asked. "Don't tell me you named him after that Orton fool you loved so much."

Sniffing softly, Kendall said, "Keith is almost six months. And Randy's daughter named him. She is the child John and I adopted, just after Randy and Sam died in that accident."

"Six months?" Ted Sr. roared. "You haven't given him pleasure in six months?"

"He has not-"

"Has he not come to you? You stupid girl, go to him. That is your job!"

Kendall looked embarrassed as she responded, "I have gone to him. He does not want me, in that way. I have tried, Father, but each time he turns me down."

"You disgust him. You are fat; you probably have stretch marks on your skin. I should have kept you here. I never should have let you go off to that school. You were less of a disappointment here," he chided.

"What? When you were letting my brother touch me the way he did? You should have kept that going? How is that acceptable? How was he not a disappointment? Then when you did make him stop, only to give him Tasha, and the things he did to her. How was that not disappointing to you?" Kendall asked, sending her father a fiery glare.

"That was different. He was my son. You are just a good-for-nothing whore who gave it up to the first person she could," he yelled. "The second that Orton boy showed any kind of interest in you, you all but attacked him. But you didn't see what everyone else does. He didn't love you, he never loved you. No one will ever love you. You are nothing. You mean nothing to anyone and everyone. No one cares about you; no one cares about what happens to you. Accept that, and move on."

"What did I ever do?" she pleaded. "What did I do that upset you? What did I do to deserve this treatment?"

Ted Sr. walked away, out of my line of sight, so I wasn't sure if he turned around when he answered or not. "I never wanted a daughter. I still do not want a daughter. Your mother was too soft-hearted when it came to you; she refused to give you up when you were born."

**Kendall's POV**

I was right.

She had loved me.

But my heart broke as I fell to the floor, finally letting my tears fall. I'd worked so hard to keep them in, to hide them from my father. Now that he was gone, it didn't matter. Though, everything he'd said was truth. Everything besides what he'd said about Randy. I hadn't made a move that night, Randy had. I knew Randy didn't love me, he never had. I knew my father didn't love me.

I wanted so badly to be good enough for him, but I knew that was impossible. I wasn't going to be good enough for anyone. It was no wonder John didn't want me anymore. My father was probably right about that as well. I looked down and could have sworn I saw the slight rolls of my stomach through the baggy shirt. And if I lifted that shirt up, the light scars would be visible. They haunted me each time I looked in the mirror after a shower.

It wasn't fair. I had to pay the price for the things John wanted. My body looked gross, now, because he wanted the children. Children that I was almost positive I was ruining. As terrible as a wife I was, how could I have been a good mother? Panic ripped through my body as I realized that my children would end up turning out like my brothers. Or my father. Or their father.

"You lied to me." The voice scared me. I turned around to see John, standing close to the doors that lead to the main hallway. "You told me you'd only been with two other guys."

Blinking in sudden recognition that John had heard my conversation with my father, I felt scared. "I have only been with two other guys."

"Your own brother?" he asked. "You had sex with your own brother?"

"No," I shook my head, "you heard wrong. I didn't-"

He'd stalked over to me, standing above me as I sat on the ground. "You're sick, Kendall."

"John, I didn't- he used to touch me," I whispered, embarrassed that I had to have this conversation. "I never had sex with him."

"You need to get your ass back to the room. We're leaving tomorrow morning, right after the funeral. After that I don't want to hear a single mention of your family, or this trip, ever again. Do you understand?"

Without waiting for an answer, he turned on his heel and stormed out of the room. I knew better than to test his patience. He was angry; there was no telling what he might do. So I pushed myself up off the floor and dragged myself back to the room. When I reached it, I saw John standing there, holding Keith, and it broke my heart. If John didn't love me, how could he love something that was part of me? Did he love our kids? Or was it just an act?

He was good at putting on acts. Good at pretending to love someone. Good at making me believe someone could truly care for me the way I wanted. The way I craved.

Was he just doing that with our kids too?

"Get in bed. I don't want to hear a fucking sound from you. You're not leaving this room without me, and you're not to be anywhere alone without me."

I opened my mouth to question him, but he sent me a look. A look that told me to keep my thoughts to myself. A look that told me he didn't care what I had to say. So I did. And I did as I was told. I got in bed, watched him lay Keith down, and felt him get in bed next to me. I waited for him to touch me, at least my arm. But he did nothing. John rolled away from me, his breath slowly evening out as he fell asleep.

And only then did I dare reach out for him, my fingers barely touching his back. But it was enough. It was enough for me to know he was there, enough for me to fall asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

**Aye, I am so so so sorry for how short this chapter is and how late it is for me to post it. I just got a new, full time job and I am also going to school full time as well, so it's been a little crazy for me. In almost exactly one month, I will be done with school, though, so hopefully this will not be such a problem in the future. It's difficult because I work 8-4 and then I have class 6:15-9:15, so I am hardly ever home, I basically go straight from work to school. But hopefully I'll be able to do better when I get a better handle on it!**

* * *

><p><strong>Tasha's POV<strong>

By the time we got home, back to Boston, Kendall was even more not herself. She was jumpy, more than usual, and she could barely look any of us in the eye. John hadn't left us alone, just the two of us, for almost a week after we got back, but he didn't seem to say much to Kendall. He mostly just ignored her, even when she spoke to him.

But finally, his dad had conjured up a mandatory 'in the office' day. Nova, Noelle, and Alanna were in school, and Carol had offered to take Keith for a little while. She'd said Kendall was working herself too thin, that Kendall wasn't going to be any good to her kids if she got sick. She needed a break. And I needed to talk to her. I needed to talk to her about what was really going on.

I questioned, in my head, why she reverted to that little girl she was before her and John got married. I wondered what pushed her to that. And mostly, I wanted to know how to get her back. I wanted to get the Kendall she'd grown into, the one who knew how to smile.

And as we sat in the dark living room of John's large house, I couldn't help but just look at her. She looked so tired. And she looked worn down. Kendall looked as if she'd fought a battle and lost it. But that didn't mean she had to lose the war, too. She just didn't know it yet.

"Stop staring," she murmured into the coffee cup resting in her hands.

"You've changed," I blurted out, my brain not connecting to filter of my mouth.

Kendall looked up at me, her eyes questioning, "Is it a bad change?"

"I wouldn't say bad as much as reverted," I said, knowing this was not the way I wanted to start this conversation. "It feels like you've gone back to the girl you used to be, the one who couldn't do anything without permission."

"I haven't changed at all, then," she replied, stubbornly. "I've always been like this, it's never really been a choice, T."

"But for a while you weren't. For a while, you stood up to John. What's different?" I asked.

"I paid for standing up to him." The tone of her voice was nearly a warning. A warning that she was finished with the conversation. But I wasn't.

"Kendall-"

"You got away from it, Tasha," she said quietly, looking away from me. "You got away from everything my family did to us. And you met someone who loves you, someone who treats you like a queen and lets you do what you want. You deserve that. But you don't understand that I didn't get away."

"And what about what you deserve?"

"This is what I deserve. And if not this, then not any better," she answered.

"How can you say that? How can you not see that there is so much more out there?" I asked, raising my voice in frustration.

"I was 'out there', and I got burned. I'm in here, and I get burned. I can't win, I wont win," she said. "So why try to push something that I'm not used to, when I know the results will be the same as they are at the very spot I'm in right now."

"So what's next? Are you always going to be this depressed bump-on-a-log?" my question rang out through the room, harsher than I'd meant it.

"I'm not depressed, I'm being realistic, Tasha. I don't want to be here, and it's quite obvious that I'm not wanted here. The only reason I'm still around it to take care of the kids and John's house, other than that I'm invisible to him. It's the one thing I predicted all along. It's the one thing I knew would happen. I wouldn't be surprised if he started bringing other girls home, letting them in when the kids are in bed at night, then making me clean up the mess they make," she snapped back. "My marriage is nothing like yours, Tasha. It wasn't made in a fairytale that came true. My marriage was made because my father couldn't stand to look at me any longer and he needed to make up for the times my brothers purposefully screwed up the Cena family orders."

"You're a part of this family, they all adore you," I told her, my words pleading to be heard.

"I was bought into this family. I'm not part of it. They all may adore me, but adoration doesn't do much for someone who knows they'll never do any better than that."

**John's POV**

I sat at the kitchen table, watching as Kendall made dinner. I watched as she passed it all out, giving each child a helping, with the exception of Keith who had already been fed his bottle, before she passed a plate with a larger sized helping on it to me. She looked at the dish with a sort of longing before scooping the leftovers into a plastic bowl with a lid and sliding it in the refrigerator.

It crossed my mind for a minute to ask why she hadn't eaten any herself, but the kids started talking about their day and telling me all the fun things they'd done at school. By the time dinner was done, I'd completely forgotten that Kendall hadn't eaten. A part of me probably didn't even care.

One by one, I put the kids to bed as Kendall finished cleaning the kitchen and picking up anything that the kids had left lying. By the time I reached our room, I found her standing next to the door, staring at it like it had suddenly sprouted eyes, ears, and a mouth.

Sighing away the irritation that was setting in, I cleared my throat, "What are you looking at?"

Kendall jumped, only slightly, it was more of a flinch, and turned to look at me. "I was just wondering if you even wanted me in there."

Her eyes held something, just for an instant, and I hated that I still couldn't read her. I hated that I still couldn't tell what exactly it was that she was feeling just by those small flashes. "You're my wife."

"In name," she agreed, looking back at the door. "By law, I'm your wife. But beyond that do I belong in there?"

"Why do you have to make everything so damn complicated?" I snorted.

"I just don't understand," Kendall stopped mid-sentence to sneeze, then changed her train of thought. "What do I do for you?"

"Oh, good God, Kendall. How many times have we gone over this?" I shouted, pushing past her to enter the bedroom, knowing she'd follow me.

"John, please. In the past few months, what have I done for you?"

I turned to see her standing just inside the door, but my mind turned blank. The only things I could think of that she'd done were the cleaning and taking care of the kids. Other than that, I barely talked to her, if I could get away with it, and I never touched her. Though there were those nights when I'd wake up with her hand touching my back or my neck.

"I haven't done anything have I?" she asked, "I'm disgusting to you now. You don't look at me, you don't talk to me. Did I do something wrong? Because I've been trying really hard-"

With a wave of my hand, I effectively cut her off. I didn't want to hear her think out loud. I didn't care what she'd been trying really hard to do. It just seemed like too much. Too much all at once. And for some reason I couldn't catch it or hold onto it.

"Do you love me?" Her voice broke as she looked away, her question feeling like an echo in my ears. And I wasn't sure how to answer. So I stood there, silently, thinking. And I thinking I thought for too long because by the time she looked back at me, with tears in her eyes, she was positive she knew my answer. An answer that I wasn't even sure of. "You don't, do you? You lied."

_You lied._


	18. Chapter 18

**Gah, I'm terrible. And I'm so sorry. I should have had this up last night/yesterday. I got totally caught up in other stuff, and I feel so bad. But here it is. About 9 hours late, according to my time zone and clocks. So, so, sorry. But I hope you all enjoy your weekends, and it's WrestleMania on Sunday! Oh how I wish I were in Miami!**

* * *

><p><strong>Carol's POV<strong>

Kendall pulled her hair into a loose bun at the nap of her neck, and I saw it then. I hadn't, when she first showed up, unannounced and by herself. She'd gone into some kind of explanation of how I knew what I was doing. She had been convinced that I would know what it was. The large lump, on either side of her neck. It stood out like a sore thumb, and she poked at it lightly.

"Sweetie, those are just your lymph nodes. Their swollen," I gently explained as I shooed her hands away to feel them as well. "Do they hurt?"

Shaking her head, she sighed. "There's more. I have bruises. Everywhere. And I-"

"Did John put his hands on you again?" I asked.

"No, no. I swear. I don't know where they're from. They just popped up and haven't faded. I didn't know what to do," her voice sounded so, alone. It was as if she were pleading with me, to tell her what to do. "And, I'm really itchy, like someone poured itching powder on all of my clothes. I think I've scratched my leg raw."

Placing my hand on her forehead, then both cheeks, I realized how flushed she looked. And how warm she was. "Kenny, do you have a fever?"

"I- I don't know. I've been really, really hot at night, like sweating so bad that I've had to change the bedding a few times. But I never thought to check my temperature," she said quickly.

"Let me go grab my thermometer. If you have a temperature, I want to bring you in. I'm not sure what it is, it could just be a cold, but I want to make sure," I told her, leading her to the nearest bathroom and making her sit on the counter. "Does John know you're here?"

"No," she answered as I stuck the thermometer into her mouth. She sat quietly, waiting for it to beep, before continuing. "He took the kids out for the day. He didn't say where they were going, and told me to go grocery shopping. He'll be angry if I'm not done and home when they get back."

I sighed, fighting my own anger I felt towards my son. What had he done to this poor girl? "Ken, we need to get you checked out first. Then, when we get done, I'll help you shop. John wouldn't want you to be sick; you need to be healthy for the kids."

She turned away from me, not wanting me to see the look on her face. "John doesn't really care if I'm sick. They only reason he would care is so I can- never mind. It's not important."

"Your temperature is a flat 100. I'd say that's reason enough to take you in. I'll drive."

**Kendall's POV**

"Well, Mrs. Cena. It looks like we'll have to run some tests," the doctor said softly, as Carol and I sat in a small patient room.

"What for?"

"Well," the doctor smiled assuring. "If you push on your lymph nodes right here, on your neck, and the ones underneath your arms, you'll see that it feels rubbery. I want to run a blood test to cancel out any options and hopefully narrow done one specific thing.

"I would also like to do a biopsy of your lymph nodes. Just to, again, cancel out anything we can. Once we get past that, if it is what I'm thinking, then we'll go through with x-rays, possibly CT scans. And once everything is pinpointed then we will see what can be appointed as a treatment."

"What are you thinking she has?" Carol spoke. I had tried to form the question but my mind felt so overwhelmed.

"It could be any number of things, but just from the way your lymph nodes feel, I do believe you have Hodgkin's disease. It is a form of lymphoma, which is a fancy name for lymph node cancer."

"No."

It was the only thing I could think of. It was the only thing that could leave my mouth. My brain wasn't working properly. My body wasn't working properly. I could be sick, I could have cancer. I have kids to think of, I have people I need to take care of.

"Now, if I'm correct, I do believe we caught it at an early stage. I'll explain more after the nurse comes in and takes your blood for the testing," the doctor said.

"When will she get the results back?" Carol again.

"In about a week, but I can put a rush on it if you'd like," he offered, and I smiled, I think, as best I could before the nurse came in and took my blood.

Then, we waited. And the doctor's words replayed in my head. He'd said that despite my nightsweats and fever, he was positive I was still only in a second stage. He said only one of my lymph nodes on my neck had the rubbery feeling, same with the one under my arm, which was promising. The doctor said that there was a ninety percent success rate with radiation, but with my luck I would be the ten percent that wasn't so lucky.

So, four days later, with still no word, I was a hopeless wreck. I watched my kids play, nearly on the verge of tears, wishing I'd had more time with them. After researching the disease myself, I was positive, as was the doctor without any testing, that I had Hodgkin's disease. And it bothered me, more than just a little bit, that I would never know what it meant to have the only thing I wanted more than my kids.

And it bothered me that no one would ever know, no one would ever realize, no one would ever understand how much it meant to me. Love was the only feeling I'd never felt from someone. I'd gotten everything else, many times over for some things. But never love. Not once.

And then the phone rang. But John beat me to it. Telling whoever it was, that 'whatever you want to say to her, you can tell me first'. I knew then that it was the doctor. And when John looked up, I knew what they had found.

"No," I whispered, backing up to the wall and sliding down it slowly.

"Thank you. I think this will be better coming from me, rather than a stranger. Yes, I will let her know. Okay. Bye."

The verge I'd been on, as I'd watched my kids, was pushed. Now I was actually crying. I still had so much to do. So many people that depended on me.

"Why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling well?" John asked. "Why didn't you tell me you went to the doctor? And why didn't you tell me they were considering cancer?"

His voice had gotten remarkably louder as his questions went on. But I couldn't answer. Partly, because I knew he would like my answer, and partly because I didn't even want to think about any of it. It was too fresh.

Clearing my throat, I looked up at him. "What did they say?"

"That you wouldn't need the biopsy, just some kind of scan-"

"CT scan."

"-and he'd like to do that as soon as possible so they can get you into radiation. Apparently, the blood tests told them mostly everything they needed to know. It's in the second stage or something," he finished.

"Um, can I have the phone please?" I asked.

"Not until you tell me what the hell is going on!" John yelled. "When the fuck did all of this happen?"

"I haven't been feeling very well, since we came home from-" I stopped, remembering I wasn't supposed to mention the trip to Mississippi for my mother's funeral. "Well, for a month, at least. And the other day, I went to your mom to see if she knew what was wrong. And she took me to the doctor."

"And you didn't feel the need to tell me? Your husband?"

"I didn't think you would care. You don't about anything else. So I figured, it wouldn't matter. And I didn't know for sure," I told him. "I didn't tell anyone, only your mom knew."

"I'm going to your next appointment," he said through gritted teeth.

"Why?" I scoffed. "It's not a secret that you don't care. Don't start now, just because you pity me. Don't care out of pity."

"How do you know its pity?" John growled, his teeth grinding together again. "For all you know it could just be that I want to know how much longer you have. Maybe I want to see if I'm going to need to find myself a new wife to take care of my kids. And my needs."


	19. Chapter 19

******I'm sorry. I was out of town all weekend. And this is short. And I don't really have any excuses. So I'll just stop.  
>Thank you for the reviews, I really do appreciate them. I just need to get back in a groove and get my thinking cap back on!<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Kendall's POV<strong>

"What would happen if I choose to not go through a hospital? I have a private doctor; can he do anything you can't?"

The doctor sighed at the question, obviously not liking the idea of skipping over a hospital. "The private doctor wouldn't have access to the supplies we have at the hospital. He wouldn't be able to do the things we will, if she comes here."

"But she would be outpatient, right? She would have to come every week, to get these bursts of radiation shot at her, and then she'd go home. Where my kids will see how weak she's getting. I don't want that," John explained, as if that were the real reason.

"Mr. Cena, what would be the difference if she were to stay home all the time with the private doctor? Your children would see her all the time and see how weak she's getting. I don't see how it is different," the doctor said lightly.

"Can't we just leave her here? Let her get better here?" I knew that he was thinking, or die here. He'd never say it in public, not where anyone would be able to overhear him.

"Then the kids wouldn't ever be able to see me, John," I said quietly. "Neither of us would want them to come up to the hospital to see me so sick. I'd rather be home-"

"Most patients are more comfortable in their own home. And, because we've caught it in such an early stage, I do believe we can knock this right out of the park. It should be fairly simple," the doctor said.

He'd told us his name, a few times, but I wasn't in a listening mood when he'd told us. There was no way I could remember it now. So for now, he would just be 'the doctor'. And maybe he'd always be that.

"So when does she start the treatments?" John asked, his voice sounding slightly irritated.

"As soon as we can get her in, it all depends on her schedule and we'll work around that for her treatments," he explained. "We'll start at two bursts a week, and then go to once a week, and as we see it shrinking, we'll go to every other week. It hopefully won't take very long to do any of this. And then you'll go on with your lives."

"But I'll come in, yearly, to have a checkup. To make sure that it hasn't come back?" I asked, uncertain.

"Annually, for the first five years. Then we'll consider you in remission. Then every five years we'd like you to come in to make sure it hasn't come back. And we'll do everything we can to make sure that it doesn't."

So we set up the appointments, bi-weekly, for now. But when I got home, nothing happened. Nothing was said. John went upstairs to his office and closed the door, shutting me out. And there I sat, at the kitchen table, trying to figure out what to do. Really, there was nothing to do. Nothing I could do.

I sat there until it was time for John to pick the kids up from school, and while he was gone, Carol brought Keith back. It wasn't fair to put them through this. It wasn't fair to my kids, to have them be shifted around. It wasn't fair to them that their parents weren't speaking to each other.

Although, I've tried. I've started conversations with John, only to be waved off. I've tried to do anything and everything I could do, only to be ignored. He won't see it. He won't let me in. But I don't think it is fair to the children that he wanted, to be without their parents. It's not fair that they have to grow up in an environment where their parents don't even communicate. So I try, and I'll keep trying. I'll do whatever it takes. Because I love my kids. And because I can't stop loving their dad.

**John's POV**

As the kids got in the car, I heard them all buckle up and I pulled away from their school. They chatted among themselves. Until Alanna cleared her throat.

"Daddy? Is Mom okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"She's always sad. She tries not to be, but I can see it," Alanna sighed. "I don't like it when she's sad. I miss her being happy. Do you think she misses her mom? 'Cause I miss my mom sometimes."

"She's sad because he makes her sad," Nova snapped. Through the rearview mirror, I could see him glaring at me.

"Who makes her sad?" Noelle asked.

"He does." This time he pointed at me.

"Daddy, why would you do that?" Noelle breathed.

"I don't know."


	20. Chapter 20

******I would just like to apologize for not posting last week. A close friend of mine passed away about a month ago and Friday would have been his birthday, so it was a slightly emotional day for me. I am also sorry that I am uploading this so late.  
>Secondly, I wrote this story in a third person's POV instead of alternating between Kendall and John and whoever else, I felt like it flowed better and was a bit easier for me to write. Please let me know how you feel about it? If you don't like it I can always do my normal POV's.<br>Yeah, I believe that is it. I hope you all have a fantastic weekend!**

* * *

><p><strong>Third Person's POV<strong>

Kendall sat on the floor in the kitchen, a bucket of soapy water next to her. Her breathing was heavy and she was exhausted but she wanted to finish mopping the kitchen floor. It was the last room in the house she had left to clean and then she'd be satisfied. Of course it had taken her all week to clean the house from top to bottom, a chore that, if she had been healthy, would have only taken her a full day.

And she had to keep reminding herself to not do too much. Every doctor had warned her about overexertion. Kendall knew she was nearing it on some days, but she had to do something to take her mind off of her life. It felt like everything was closing in on her, the walls of the quiet house were getting closer together. She couldn't stand it.

The house would be empty for hours each day, John taking the older three kids to school and then bringing Keith over to his parent's house before heading into work himself. He'd gone back to the office just after she was diagnosed, and Kendall had a feeling that it was because he was disgusted by her. She knew that he didn't have feelings for her, but most of the time John acted like he didn't care if she lived or died. And Kendall wasn't going to give herself time to think about how she really felt about that.

Deep down, she knew how bad it hurt. There was no one supporting her, telling her they wanted her to get better. The only person who knew about the cancer was Carol, and she'd been sworn to secrecy by John. Kendall only felt John's indifference, and that was recently turning into annoyance.

Many times, she'd called him at work to remind him of an appointment. John would have to leave early to bring her to the hospital and then sit there for the hour and a half it took for the radiation to be shot at her upper chest. He hated it, and took every opportunity he could to let her know just how much.

"What are you doing on the fucking floor?"

His voice brought her out of her stupor, reminding her of what she was doing. Kendall looked up at him, seeing John leaning against the door frame in front of the stairs. She took the opportunity to let herself feel just how much she missed him, to feel how much she missed the moments when he had actually been kind to her and acted like a husband who truly loved his wife. Sighing, she shook her head to clear away those feelings. "I was just finishing. I didn't want to clean everything else and leave the floor."

"You cleaned the whole house?" John asked, his voice showing his disbelief. "When did you have time to do that?"

"I've been cleaning all week. It, the cleaning, helped me keep my mind off- it just felt like it was time to clean the house," Kendall finally answered after struggling to tell him the truth. "Are you doing to work?"

"Yeah, I'm running a little late because I had to come home to change after dropping Keith off, so I won't be home until really late tonight," he told her.

She stared for a minute as his words made sense in her head. "But John, I have an appointment today-"

"Damn it, Kendall. Can't you skip once in a while? I'm so fucking sick of taking you to that hospital. I'm not doing it today. I have to get some work done, for once since you started this bullshit," John snapped, glaring at her.

His words shot through her all at once and she felt herself losing a hold of the composure she'd grasped to so tightly. Kendall knew that he hadn't been happy about the situation, but to hear John suggest that she skip an appointment. "Never mind, I'll just call a cab or something. I'll think of something and I promise I won't call you at work to ask you for a ride again. I'm sorry that I've been bothering you."

**XXX**

John watched as his wife struggled to push herself off the floor and into a standing position. He'd seen the way his words had affected her, and though he knew his tone had been harsh, he hadn't meant for the words to sound the way they had. He was stressed, there was too much going on and he didn't know how to handle it.

Dealing with stressful situations had never been his strong suit, but it felt like that was all his life was since he'd married Kendall. John hadn't prepared for her family to become a problem. He hadn't been prepared for Hunter Helmsley or Phil Brooks to set their sights on Kendall. He hadn't prepared for her to be everything he'd ever wanted, and he definitely hadn't been prepared to feel the things he felt for her.

It scared him, knowing that she could break every wall he'd built up to keep the world out. John didn't want to get involved with someone he would eventually love, in his line of work he just didn't want to put someone he cared for in danger. When the opportunity to marry Kendall came up, John jumped on it. He'd talked to his family about it and they all thought it was a great idea.

She was nothing like he'd ever imagined. He'd pictured some spoiled brat, knowing the DiBiase's, even after hearing all of the rumors about how badly her dad treated her. John had seen it first hand, they treated her like a servant, and he wasn't much better. He'd treated her just as bad.

"Kendall-"

"No, it's fine. I'm sorry; I should have realized that you didn't want any part in this. But its okay, I understand. Well, no I don't understand, but I get it. I just, never mind. I'm sorry," she walked away, slowly.

John couldn't help but notice all of the changes he'd seen in her in the past month since she started the radiation treatments. She'd lost weight, all of the weight she'd gained from both pregnancies and then some. She'd lost muscle and strength, making her weak and she tired easier than before. And she'd lost her smile. Even around the kids, it seemed that she just could bring herself to smile.

That might have been the worst part for John. Because he'd fallen in love with her smile before he'd fallen in love with her.

**XXX**

Kendall took her time getting ready for her appointment. She'd called an old friend, without giving too many details, and asked for them to bring her to the hospital. Thankfully they'd accepted, but she was still dealing with her sudden overflow of emotions. It wasn't anything knew, how John felt about her, so it shouldn't have come as a surprise to her.

But, this appointment was more important than the others before it. They were going to tell her if the two tumors had shrunk with the radiation. Kendall had been hoping for good news since they told her the week before, apparently John hadn't been listening. It shouldn't have mattered as much as it did. She meant nothing to him; he'd made sure that she knew that on more than one occasion.

She heard the car pull into the driveway and was at the door before they could knock or ring the doorbell. Pulling the door shut behind her, Kendall breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the driver of the car smiling brightly at her. "You came."

"Of course I did. You said you needed me, Ken."

"Both of you?" she asked, confused when the passenger leaned forward.

"A lot has happened in the past nearly six years, Kenny. Get in and we'll explain it to you," the women in the car smiled as Kendall opened the back seat and climbed in gently.

"You're together?" Kendall asked, seeing the two holding hands.

"Eve and I got married four years ago," the driver said, pulling away from the large house and out onto the road. "After John kicked me out, I realized what an idiot I was and got my shit straight. I ran into Eve at the store one day and we've been together ever since."

Kendall nodded, processing. "Does John know?"

"He probably does. I've never told him that married your brother. But I figured that if he had a problem then he would have fired me by know," Eve shrugged.

"Now, why are we taking you to the hospital? And why do you look like you've lost so much weight?"

"I'm sick, Teddy. John had been taking me, but he just got sick of being interrupted at work to take me. I find out today if it's getting much better, but he didn't want to. He said that he hasn't gotten any work done since I got sick because he keeps bringing me in for treatments," Kendall sighed. "I just don't know where I went wrong."

"Ken this is not your fault," her older brother tried to assure her, but Kendall wasn't hearing it.

"You don't get it Teddy. You're happy and in love with someone who loves you back. I'm miserable and in love with someone who will never love me. No one will. I've known it all my life, so I don't know why I let myself get my hopes up about it, but- well, I guess it's nice to dream."

Eve looked at her husband, squeezing his hand in gently. They'd hoped things were getting better for Kendall, that John had stopped messing around with her emotions. Obviously they were wrong.

**XXX**

"Well, Mrs. Cena, it looks like I have your test results right here."

Kendall turned in her seat to watch the doctor walk in the office and behind his desk, setting the manila folder done on his desk. She could clearly see her name, Cena, K. G., printed on the small tab, as the man opened it up and scanned it.

"Good news or bad news?" she asked softly, afraid to hear the answer.

"Well, which would you like first?" the doctor asked in return, smiling gently when she shook her head. "We'll start with the bad news, you have to come back to see me. But, here's the good news, it's only for two more weeks. Both tumors have shrunk in the past month with the radiation we've given you so far. So I want to see you in two weeks, then two weeks after that, and you won't have to go through radiation either of those times, as long as the tumors stay gone. From there, we'll decide what to do."

"So, it's gone?" Kendall asked, not recognizing her own voice.

The doctor smiled again before echoing her words. "It's gone."


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey guys, it's kinda latish. I feel like that's my moto lately. Sorry. I'll try to kick it back up in the next few weeks. **

**This chapter is in 3rd person again because I liked the way it sounded.  
>Thanks for all of the positive words on the last chapter, it really means a lot to me! And thanks for all of the reviews, those keep me motivated to get these chapters out to ya!<strong>

* * *

><p>Kendall sighed as she watched John lead the kids upstairs for bed. Keith, for once in the past month, was safely in her arms. John had barely let her do anything for them, with them. She hadn't been allowed to take them to school for who knows how long, and with him sending Keith to his parents all day, she felt like she'd abandoned them. In all reality, John was taking them away from her. He was making sure they stayed at a distance from each other, putting a wall between their relationships.<p>

"My mom called me today."

John's voice brought her out of her thoughts and she looked up at him. These discussions they'd had today, real ones where he would start talking first, were nearly nonexistent before. That is, unless he had something to complain to her about, yell at her for. Kendall, not having told him her news, rolled her eyes. "Do you want a cookie for it? Did she make your lunch today too?"

She couldn't quite help her smart remark. Conversation wasn't something she wanted to accomplish at the moment, especially not with John. However, if Carol had called him, she might have told him that Kendall had stopped by. Thereby telling John her news from the doctor, and possibly who she'd showed up with. The latter shouldn't have bothered him, he'd pretty much told her to skip the appointment because he didn't want to take her.

"As a matter of fact, she did," John sneered. "I let her watch my son and she makes me lunch. Because my wife is too fucking-"

"What John?" Kendall asked, turning away from him. "You think I enjoy being sick all the time? You think I like not being able to clean my own house or take care of my kids? You think I like that I've lost so much weight I look like a stick figure? Newsflash, I don't. I hate this. I hate cancer and I hate having it and I hate how it's affected me."

"Kendall-"

"But guess what, John. I went to the doctor today, it was a really important appointment and any truly caring husband would have made sure they were there with their wife when they found out if the cancer had gone away or not. At one point, I would have been sure you'd have been there. But now I can see that you were just playing an act, now I see that you only care about your needs. And I don't even know if it matters to me anymore."

Keith started whining, and Kendall glared at John when he moved to take him from her. Surprisingly, he stepped back, his hands in the air defensively. She just wanted some time with her kids; a little time to be sure she remembered their faces and what they smelled like when they first got out of the bathtub. It was finally dawning on her that she had been given more time.

"My mom said that you were with Ted and Eve this afternoon," John finally spoke, changing the subject.

"Eve was one of the first people I could think of," Kendall admitted. "Thankfully she didn't have to work today. And her husband came with her. He just so happens to be my older brother."

He rolled his shoulders. "Does anything I tell you matter anymore?"

Kendall shrugged, sighing when she looked at him and saw that he looked genuinely angry. "What parts are you thinking don't matter to me? Because as far as I can tell, you make things up to get me on your good side and then whenever you get the slightest bit angry, your hands do the talking."

"I told you to stay away from your family and I told you that no one is allowed to know that you have cancer," John told her through gritted teeth.

"They don't know I have cancer. And if I have to stay away from my family does that include staying away from you?"

"I swear to fucking Hades that if you don't stop using your mouth on me, I'm going to lose it. You are not allowed to have any contact with any DiBiase. That, now, includes Eve, since you've discovered she married Ted. And you're not even supposed to see Eve, anyway," John said, trying to keep his anger in check.

"It was one of the most important appointments, John. It's not like I could have just skipped. And who else would I have called? Thanks to you, I have no friends and no family. I am ultimately alone, you've banned me from every single person I've made friends with and you've banned me from the only family member I have who isn't psychotic," Kendall responded.

John took a deep breath, reminding himself that she was still holding his son, before speaking again. "This is the second time you've mentioned how important your appointment was. What was it about?"

"If you truly cared, you would have been there."

"Damn it!" he shouted. "Tell me what the fucking appointment was about before I call the hospital and make them tell me."

"Last week when I was in they ran some tests. The results came back today," Kendall told him, looking down at the sleeping child in her arms.

"What did they find out?"

"Does it really matter?" John shot her a look, so they both ignored her question. "The radiation has shrunk the tumors away."

John looked a little surprised by her announcement. "So you're not going to die soon?"

"Um," Kendall's breath caught in her throat at his bluntness and she nearly choked. "No, I'm not going to die this soon."

**XXX**

"We should celebrate!" Carol announced the next day when she was over to help Kendall out around the house.

"Yeah, celebrate me not being sick anymore when no one knew I was sick at all," Kendall rolled her eyes. "And anyway, I'm not really in the mood for a party yet. I'm still so tired."

"Well, you're going to be tired, sweetie. It's not like you're going to recover overnight," Carol smiled. "And speaking of that, did you tell John your good news?"

"Yeah but it was pointless. I mean, why tell him when he doesn't care?" Kendall sighed. "It doesn't matter to him that I'm going to get healthy again. He's probably pissed that I'm not dying in the next week."

"Oh, don't think like that. John needs you around-"

"He needs me to do his laundry and clean his house and take care of his kids. I've told you this before, Carol. As long as those things get done, it doesn't matter who is doing it," Kendall said.

"That can't be true," Carol tsked, though she knew her son well. It most likely was true.

**XXX**

John walked quietly through the door of his house, hearing his mother disagree with his wife; he decided to eavesdrop on their conversation. He wanted to know the kinds of things she told Carol. So he snuck to the patio door where he could just barely see the too sitting in the shade.

"Sometimes I wish you were a fly on the wall, that way you would know all the things that go on," Kendall admitted.

"What kinds of things, Ken," Carol pushed.

"Depending on the day, and if I've made him mad or not, it could be a fairly easy day with no arguing and no snapping, but those days are lonely. He takes the kids away, takes himself away. I stay in this big house all alone during the day, and I'm not allowed to do anything, go anywhere, see anyone. Then the days that I do make him mad, make me wonder why I'm even here at all. He implies with the things he says that he doesn't want me around. I try not to ask for anything, I try to keep to myself, I try to hide so that I'm not in his way. Most of the time it works, he barely notices me. But when he does, his words hurt."

"I'm sure he doesn't mean it. I know he's under a lot of stress right now-"

John heard Kendall sigh, shaky as it was. "You're his mother; you're supposed to stand behind him."

"That's not what I'm doing," Carol replied, shaking her head quickly.

"Sometimes, I think it would be a lot better if I had died instead of Sam. Then Al would have parents who love each other, Noelle, Nova, and Keith wouldn't have to deal with John and me fighting all the time. John could find someone he truly loves, someone he can love without pretending. Everything would be so much easier."

"That's not true." John came in view, shocking both women. "Not everything would be easier if you died."


	22. Chapter 22

**APPARENTLY, ****this story has lost it's meaning. AND there is no need to drag it along anymore. Now, I realize that reviews are for people's insight, and I definitely take everything you guys tell me and try to use that to push my story along. I love getting your reviews and reading what you all think of this story and my other stories. HOWEVER, it has come to my attention that it is now just time for 'John to have a permanent change of heart and give his wife the treatment she deserves' because 'it has been long overdue****'. Well, here is the way I look at it, this is MY story. I write it the way I want to, and I will have John be however the heck he wants to be. If I want him to be a complete douche for the rest of his life, then dang it I'm going to write him that way. And, by the way, I am a Cena fan. I only write about those I like because they are the one's I know. Now, if you think you can write this story better than I can, then feel free to PM me and we'll discuss it. I highly doubt you'll win said discussion, but you can try.  
><strong>

**Sorry for the rant, but I was a tad irritated last week when I got the review telling me, in so many words, that I needed to end my story because it was pointless now. To me, that means that said reviewer wants to write the same story and is just waiting for me to finish because they think they can write it better. Well, have fun with that.  
><strong>

**Anyway, please enjoy this chapter, and Kendall's backbone that has been requested for about a billion chapters. And thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, at least those that actually mean something to me, which is almost everyone, I think maybe 3 reviews I have rolled my eyes at, but it definitely keeps me going! You guys are the best!  
>-Ellie.<strong>

* * *

><p>Kendall actually laughed, though it was quite cynically. She shook her head as John opened his mouth to defend his statement and she cut him off. "Not everything, just most."<p>

John and Carol both looked surprised. The tone in her voice was sharp, and neither could recall hearing anything so cold come from her mouth. Especially not directed at John, of all people.

"Kend-"

"I've seriously had enough with your bipolar bull crap, John. You'll feed me some line about how I really do mean something to you and that I'm an important factor in your life and that you don't know what you'd do if I weren't here. I'm not going to sit here and listen to it," Kendall said quickly, wanting to be sure he knew she was serious.

"That's not-"

"I don't trust you. I won't trust you. I can't trust you. Every time you think I'm about to walk out of your life, you do this. You tell me things that I have always wanted to hear and you make me believe them and you. Well, I'm not believing you this time, so don't bother wasting your breath." She wouldn't let him get in a single word, knowing that if he started talking he wouldn't stop until she was falling at his feet, and Kendall refused to do that this time.

"Just listen-"

"No!" she shouted, then regretting it for the amount of energy and breath she used up with that little word.

Kendall closed her eyes for a second as she grew dizzy and when she opened them back up, she saw a red dot on John's knee. She didn't get a chance to say anything about it because just as it registered in her mind as to what it was, the shot went off and John went down. Yelling out in pain, his hands went straight to the spot where Kendall saw the red dot. Both her and Carol stood up, looking around, and when Kendall looked at Carol she saw a red dot on her leg as well.

Without thinking, Kendall lunged for her mother-in-law, not wanting the older women to suffer from a gunshot. She whispered for Carol to stay down, before getting to her own feet. John was still preoccupied with his injury to be worried about the other two. He barely looked up in time to see the form, dressed in all black and complete with a black ski mask, running towards Kendall.

Her back was turned toward the man, and he was moving too fast. John just got Kendall's name passed her list before the figure picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder, and ran off with her. It was all John could do, just to try to stand up as Kendall called for him to help her.

**XXX**

When Kendall opened her eyes, she couldn't see anything. It was pitch black wherever she was, and it was cold. Very cold. That much she was sure of. She couldn't remember anything after they'd put her in the car, knocking her out to stop her from yelling and drawing attention to them.

Her arms were sore, she decided after doing a mental body scan, and realized they were tied above her head. Her feet and legs were bound to the chair she'd been placed in and there was no room to budge, the restraints too tight. After trying to lean back, Kendall noted there was no back to the chair she was sitting on.

She'd thought about screaming, hoping that someone would hear her, but figured that would only draw attention from those who took her. Her mind wandered to John, wondering if he was even doing anything to look for her. A part of her wanted to hope for the best, that he was doing everything he could from the hospital bed he was most likely being forced to lie in. An even bigger part of her said that she was an idiot for even thinking that, John was probably thanking the stars for getting her out of his hair.

Kendall sighed, blinking a few times before giving up and closing them all together. It was no use, using up energy when she couldn't see anyway. Until there was a slight pink hue showing through her eyelids, and when she slowly opened her eyes again, she recognized the warehouse room that she sat in the middle of.

And that thought scared her, because the only people who really knew about that were dead or John. There was no way that John would have someone shoot him just to kidnap her again. Was there? The man didn't hate her that much, did he?

"You're such an idiot." The voice rang out through the large room, and Kendall was sure that it sounded familiar, though she couldn't figure out where she knew it from. "Calling out for someone to help you when you know they're the last person on earth who would actually help you."

She could hear the amusement in that voice, something she'd definitely heard before. He was standing behind her, making it impossible for her to see him. With her arms tied up the way they were, she couldn't move her head. Kendall struggled against the ropes on her wrists and legs, stopping when she felt a white hot sting across her upper back.

"Don't make this difficult, dear sister."

Kendall swallowed back the mixture of tears and bile that erupted in her throat. "Brett."

"Shut up, bitch. No one asked you to talk."

Another sting welted across the middle of her back this time, making her realize that she didn't have a shirt on. The only clothing she wore was her bra and panties, both of which were too big from all the weight she'd lost. She did her best to keep in the sob that threatened to escape her, knowing that her twin would make it so much worse if she showed him how upset she was.

Kendall's eyes grew wide as her brother walked in front of her, wearing just as much clothing as she was. Standing in front of her in just a pair of boxers, Brett was staring at her the way he used to when they were teenagers.

"Please don't," she managed to plead before she yelped, the belt in his hands snapping on her bare stomach. Kendall felt a pressure on her arms, then felt herself being pulled up to a standing position by the ropes on her wrists. Brett glared at her before he reached to untie a leg from the chair, the other leg, and foot, firmly on the ground where the chair seemed to be bolted down.

She shivered in disgust as Brett licked his lips, taking in her form. Still grasping her free leg in his hand, he closed the distance between them, sliding his palm up to the back of her thigh and holding her close. Kendall felt sick to her stomach as she felt Brett, hard, against her. He'd never gone quite this far when they were younger, only touching her and making her touch him. She hated the games he played, knowing they only ended in pain for her.


	23. Chapter 23

As if it were in slow motion, Kendall felt her lungs stop working. No matter how much air she tried to suck in, it wasn't enough for her body to take control. She hadn't had an asthma attack in years, but it was happening. And there was no one to care, no one to stop it.

"Stop," a choked sob came from her lips, but it was all she could manage. She had learned, years ago, that if she couldn't breathe then she couldn't talk.

Brett's free hand, with the belt still in its grasp, slipped from her hip to her back, moving upwards. Kendall felt him unhooking the clasp of her bra and realized the only thing she could do. Kicking with the leg that he had so kindly untied, she managed to put some distance between then. She wiggled more, trying to move away from him, but as he moaned and Kendall felt the evidence of his arousal, she stopped immediately.

His head lowered, his lips too close to her neck for her comfort. She could do nothing to stop it, nothing that wouldn't anger him or turn him on more. A tear slipped from her eye and she felt it roll down her cheek as her brother bit her neck. The only thing on her mind was how wrong it was. Incest and it was forced incest. She hated him, hated all of the things he'd ever done to her and made her do. It wasn't fair, nothing was fair.

Making herself focus on anything that wasn't Brett, Kendall felt the pain in her arms from being held up the way they were. She felt the rope rubbing a burn into her skin when she tried to move her arms into a more comfortable position. She could feel her one calf aching from being forced to stand on her toes and the rope tying her leg against the chair was scratchy. Then, all of a sudden, she could feel his hands on her skin. One too high up on her thigh, his fingers digging deeply into the skin just underneath the elastic of her underwear and the other wrapped around to reach her side, drawing them even closer.

The fingers on her side were drumming slightly, randomly. His teeth had moved from her neck to her arms, at least what he could reach. Kendall tried to swallow, but found that not only was her airway closing, her whole throat was blocked.

Until there was a knock at the door.

Brett growled, pushing away from her and she was finally able to suck in a breath. And then more after that, greedily taking air into her lungs.

"Brett, I know you told us not to interrupt you-"

"Then why would you!" her brother yelled.

"We've received an update on Cena. I thought you might want to know how he's doing."

He shot a look towards Kendall, who hadn't been listening too much of their conversation, only having tuned in when she heard her husband's name. "I'll be back. Keep this thing company."

Kendall brought her eyes to the door, just seeing Tasha's older brother, Trent, standing there and Brett walking out. Her heart nearly dropped when she saw him pull a knife out of his pocket. "Please, don't hurt me."

The man laughed and shook his head as he slowly walked towards her. "Did you ever wonder why I acted like I couldn't stand you when you lived in your father's house?"

"Everyone hated me, Trent. It didn't matter why," she answered after a minute, realizing that he wanted an actual answer.

"I wanted you," Trent said through gritted teeth. "I wanted to be your first everything. I fucking fell in love with Kendall DiBiase!"

Kendall winced at his yell. "That's impossible. I'm unlovable."

"I know. I heard it every day, many times a day, how you'll never have anyone love you. But I know what I feel. I know that my heart broke when I heard you slept with Randy. I know that my heart broke when I found out about that Evan kid. I know that my heart broke when your dad sent you to marry John. And denying that would be impossible," he admitted.

Kendall stared at him, dumbstruck. What could you say to someone who was admitting they were in loved with you but advancing on you with a knife in their hands?

"You deserved so much better than them-"

"Then why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you tell me father that you wanted to marry me? Why didn't you stop Brett from doing all of the things he did to me after I slept with Randy? Why did you sit around and do nothing?" she interrupted.

"What could I have done? I'm just a bodyguard. I couldn't have given you the things you have now," he whispered.

Her eyes finally met his, moving away from the knife in his hand. "You could have given me love."

"Hold still," Trent warned. He bent down and sliced the rope that was holding her leg to the chair, then cut the rope holding her arms and wrists in the air. "I'm gonna get you out of here. We just need to move fast. Do you think you can do that?"

Kendall nodded, re-clasping her bra behind her, and thanking Trent when he took his long sleeved shirt off and helped her put it on over her head. He grabbed onto her hand, interlocking their fingers, and pulled her towards the second set of doors in the large room.

She heard a yell just as they made it out of the room, but didn't dare stop to see who it was or what they wanted. If Trent was going to take her back home, she'd choose him over everything else that wandered into her senses.

**XXX**

She hadn't thought that getting out of a building would be so difficult. Apparently there were a lot of twists and turns and secret passageways that Trent had found when he'd been 'exploring', he'd assured her that they all lead away from the warehouse. It was just a matter of which way they went.

After nearly an hour of running through a dark, underground hallway, Kendall finally saw a small ladder. A small part of her toyed with the thought that Trent was only messing with her head, but she pushed that aside, knowing that she needed to learn to trust someone for once in her life. And it was worth it, especially after they'd climbed the ladder and found themselves in an alleyway close to the high school Tasha graduated from.

"Trent," Kendall said hesitantly, after they'd made sure they were absolutely safe. "You said you had an update on John."

"No, I said I had an update on Cena. I never said it was John."

"Well, do you know how he's doing? I mean, the last time I saw him, he had just been shot in the knee," Kendall paused, then gasped. "Oh no, how is Carol? Is she alright? They didn't end up shooting her too, did they? I mean, I pushed her to the ground so that they would think she was hurt and not shoot at her again."

"Mrs. Cena is just fine."

Kendall sighed, "Why are you giving me such short, snippy answers?"

"Because I don't want to talk about your husband or his family right now," Trent answered, his teeth gritted again.

"I'm sorry," her eyes lowered from his face to the ground. "If I had known then, maybe things would be different now. If you had told me the truth-"

"I couldn't have told you the truth, Kendall. Your father knew he didn't have a lot of money, even back then, and he knew that you were his meal ticket. You are his meal ticket," Trent told her.

"What do you mean? How am I his meal ticket?"

Trent cracked his neck and sighed at the release of tension. "Cena sends your father money, every month, and that's how he's been able to afford to pay his men and put food on the table for all of his and the rest of your family."

Kendall felt her shoulders sink. So, John was allowed contact with her family but she wasn't. John was allowed contact with the family that didn't care one bit about her, but she couldn't even speak to the only person in her family who truly did care about her wellbeing.

"If you weren't supposed to know that-"

"I know, I didn't hear it from you. I won't tell him. I guess I should be used to him doing things like this," Kendall admitted, then shook her head to clear everything from her mind. "Can you just take me home, please? Or to the hospital? Or where ever John might be?'

He shook his head in response. "Your house is the first place he'll look. And then he'll look at John's relatives. We'd be better to lie low for a day or two. If you want, you can call him. Or one of his brothers, to let them know that you're safe. Either way, let them know that you can't go to them right now, they'll have to come to you."

Kendall nodded, taking in all of the information. She'd been kidnapped before. She'd been molested before. She'd been molested by her brother before. But she'd never been rescued by a man who claimed to have been in love with her since they were teenagers. And she'd never seen such truth and meaning in someone's eyes when they told her they loved her.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

The walls were closing in on her. She was almost positive of it. Kendall had been inside, not allowed to leave the hotel room that Sean Cena had reserved for her under a false name for nearly a week. The rest of the Cena clan hadn't found her twin brother, yet, so it still wasn't 'safe' for her to go home. She hadn't seen her kids, she hadn't seen her husband. It was starting to wear her down.

Less than one week ago, she'd been told great news, that she was in remission and there was a very good chance that the cancer wouldn't come back. A day after that, John had been shot, Carol had almost been shot, and she'd been kidnapped. It was too much all at one time, and she was so tired.

Tired of fighting for something that was too far out of reach. Tired of living a life that was surrounded by lies and double standards. Tired of the yelling and tired of John's hands touching her in any other way than loving. She was just too tired.

"What are you thinking about?" Trent's voice brought her back to the present, for the moment. Kendall looked at him, taking in his face. His eyes telling her that he really wanted to know what was going on her mind. It was something she wasn't used to seeing, from anybody.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "What would people say if we just ran away? If you and I just left and never looked back, never told anyone where we were going or where we were when we got there?"

"Are you sure?" he sounded hopeful, his eyes widening. "Is that what you really want?"

**XXX**

The men looked around the room, thoroughly satisfied with the work they'd done. It was payback for everything they had ever done. It was payback for nearly ending John's life, it was payback for trying to hurt his mom, and it was payback for taking his wife.

"When are you going to tell her?"

John looked at his oldest brother, shaking his head. "Tell who what?"

"Kendall. You know, your wife, the woman you married to spite her family. Which only turned out to fuck you over, since you've had to pay them a shit ton of money. And they still do messed up shit like this-"

"Get to the fucking point, Steve."

"Are you going to tell her that you're in love with her?"

He laughed, sarcastically. "I'm not in love with her."

"Then why do this. Why go on a killing spree to kill her brother for kidnapping her if you're not in love with her?" Steve asked.

John shrugged, "Never said it was for her. Payback for shooting me, and trying to shoot Mom."

They took one last look around the room, watched Sean pull his phone out of his pocket and walk out of the building, before following after him. "She protected Mom. Keep that in mind."

**XXX**

Kendall's phone rang as she started to answer. They both looked over at it before Kendall made any move to answer it. When she did, her answer to Trent changed.

She turned to look at him, an apologetic look on her face and tried to explain. "That was Sean-"

"And John wants you home," he took a deep breath. "Fine, you should probably pack your stuff up. Wouldn't want to keep your saint of a husband waiting."

"Trent-"

"Just fucking get it packed, Kendall."

He crossed the room, and slammed the bathroom door behind him as he put as much space between them as he could. Kendall felt a lump form in her throat as she realized what she had just lost. A chance to possibly be happy. A chance to be loved, to have someone truly love her.

But he hadn't given her a chance to tell him what happened. And she knew that he wasn't going to. She knew how it felt to have someone boost your hopes up and then let them down in an instant. In her mind, she started berating herself for even suggesting that they run away. She knew she'd never leave her kids; this week had been far too long as it were.

Wishful thinking that John would let her have custody. That he would let her take them with her. She knew he'd never agree to that. He'd never agree to her leaving, it didn't matter whether she went alone or not. He'd never let her. John owns her.

So, Kendall packed, the little bit Trent had bought for her. She looked to the bathroom door once more, her heart aching to do anything to make the situation easier, and then she left. Called a cab and asked the driver to take her home.


	25. Chapter 25

**Sorry for the shortness of these last two (and probably more) chapters. Today's would've been longer but I didn't realize it was Friday until about 10:30 while I was out shopping for some shorts... But, here is the next update. Thank you for all of the reviews and everything else, it really does mean a lot to me! Definitely perks me up to see new stuff!  
><strong>

**I would also like to thank _butterflydance21_ for all of her support. You should definitely check out her stuff, it's really great!**

* * *

><p>Slowly, Kendall walked through the front door of the house she had not been inside in over a week. She was a little unsure of how to react to everything. It seemed that all of a sudden life had thrown a giant stop sign in her face but she was still going, her mind stopped miles behind her. Mostly with Trent.<p>

The first person she came across was Tasha in the kitchen, and after apologizing profusely, Kendall finally told her what happened. She told her everything Trent had said. And how she'd done the same thing to him that everyone did to her.

"I'll understand if you hate me-"

"Kendall I don't hate you. You're under a lot of stress right now. Trent will realize that, he won't block you out forever. I'm sure he'll want to be in your life in some way or another," Tasha promised.

She shook her head. "You're not understanding. No matter how much I want him in my life; there will always be someone who won't allow it. I don't have freedom. I'm such a terrible person."

"You're not a terrible person. You have never done anything wrong-"

Kendall interrupted with a cynical laugh. "I've never done anything wrong? I've never done anything _right_, Tasha. I'm such an idiot to have ever believed that someone-"

"That someone could what? That someone could love you? You are not unlovable, Kendall. I've been trying to tell you that for years. You are an amazing person; your kids think you hung the stars, the sun, and the moon. My brother would dote on you if he were able to. Your father is wrong, your brothers are wrong. You have done so much for me, Ken, you saved me-"

"It's not as simple as you're trying to make it sound, T. I may have saved you, but I can't save myself. You have a job; you have a happy marriage with a man who loves you so much that it hurts me to watch sometimes. You can go wherever you want, whenever you want." Kendall shook her head again. "You make it look so easy. And I've tried, so hard, to make John happy. To make my kids happy, to make my family happy; but it never works. I'm not what they need, and I'm obviously not what they want."

With that, Kendall walked away. She didn't want to argue the same thing over and over again. A fact was a fact was a fact, and nothing was going to change it. She was going to accept it-

Until she reached the living room and saw John sitting on the couch with his leg foot propped up on the coffee table. Kendall couldn't stop herself from running to him, leaping onto his lap, and wrapping her arms around his neck. She needed to feel him close to her, needed to feel him protect her, needed to feel him care for her. With her head buried in his neck, she breathed his name, hoping to feel his own arms curl around her body. When that didn't happen, she hoped to hear her name on his lips.

She lifted her head, slowly, to look into his eyes. Her hope hadn't totally died until she saw the cold expression on his face. Swallowing hard, she said, "John?"

"Get off of me Kendall," he ordered, pushing none too gently at her shoulders.

Her heart dropped as she stood up immediately, not bothering to resettle next to him on the couch. "D-did I hurt you? I d-didn't mean to."

John glanced up at her, noting the way her hands were held together, nervously pulling at her fingertips. With a roll of his eyes he gruffly replied, "No."

"W-well, i-is everything alright?"

This time he didn't look at her as he snorted, "What the fuck do you think?"

Kendall took a step back. "I don't understand-"

"Your brother shot me, Kendall. He put a fucking bullet through my leg. Does that sound alright to you? Because to me it sounds like a bunch of shit. I've given them so much, too much, and this is the way they repay me-"

"You give them so much," Kendall muttered, her eyes widening as the words slipped from her mouth.

"What are you talking about?'

"I know a-about the money you send them every m-month," Kendall said quietly, looking at the ground.

"Oh really? And how do you know about that?"

"It's not really important, is it?" Kendall asked, irritated that he wasn't even going to try to explain himself. "Why should it matter how I know? The only thing that should matter is that there are double standards in this house, in this marriage, and that is not fair-"

"It's not fair?" John scoffed, finally looking at his wife. "What isn't fair, Kendall? The fact that I pay your family to stay the fuck away from mine, or the fact that I still got shot after all the money I've given to them?"

"Neither is fair, but it's not fair that you are allowed contact with them and I'm not-"

"They are not good influences for my children. I will not have them around here-"

"Ted and Eve are just fine influences!"

"Kendall if you interrupt me one more time I will seriously hurt you," John warned in a low voice.

"So you can interrupt me but I'm not allowed to interrupt you? This is what I'm talking about when I say double standards and it being unfair."

"I really don't care what you're talking about. This conversation is over."

"John-"

"The kids are in their playroom, they'll probably like to see you."

**XXX**

It was too short, her time with the kids, because too soon it was time to go to bed. And after tucking all four of them in, in chronological order, Kendall made her way downstairs and back into the living room.

"John-"

"What the fuck do you want now? I thought I'd gotten rid of you."

Her eyes stung with tears but she didn't let her voice crack as she said, "I just wanted to ask how you were doing. And how your mom is doing. I know that it's my fault you're hurt and if I can help you at all, I'd really like you to let me know."

"You're right. This is your fault."

"I'm sorry," Kendall said as loud as she could manage. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yeah, actually there is." John started completely oblivious to the pain in her voice. "You can stop bothering me and get away from me."

She nodded before turning and heading back upstairs. Figuring he wouldn't be able to climb the stairs, Kendall walked into John's bedroom and further into connected bathroom. After stripping down, she took a scalding hot shower, scrubbing her whole body raw. She had done this every night since her 'escape' with Trent. Only wanting to feel clean, there were times when she scrubbed so hard her skin would bleed, and she would still be disgusted with herself.

Kendall got dressed in one of John's t-shirts, the too-big-shirt falling to her knees, before she crawled into his bed. It was the only place, other than his arms, that she felt John's presence. And that alone made her feel safe.


	26. Chapter 26

**Hey guys. Sorry this is almost a week late. I've been super crazy busy. I'm moving on Friday so I've been trying to get stuff sorted out and what not. **

**Anyway, this is the second to last chapter of SMHTL. The next will be an epilogue of sorts and no I haven't decided if I want to write a third part. Because if I were to be completely honest with you guys, I've kind of fallen out of love with this story, which might be obvious. But a couple of reviews have made me feel like this story just isn't enough.  
>Here's the thing though. When I write, I write through my own experiences. My writing comes from my own painhappiness/sadness what have you. And although this might sound totally rude and make you all not want to review on any of my stories ever again, I write for myself. I say that because writing is an escape of sorts. I'm not a people person, I like to be by myself and I like to be alone. And because of that, I don't have many people I can turn to and tell how I'm feeling. Especially since I'm not a feeling sharing kind of person. So, when I write, I feel like I can let everything out.  
>And apparently, by the way this story has gone, these past few months have been a bit of a roller coaster of emotions for me. A lot of pain and sadness, which is why I haven't written anything for IAHP because that is a happy story. This story, was not. I felt that Kendall could handle it. Because I handled the pain and sadness that was thrown at me.<br>But now I'm starting a new chapter in my life. And I'd like to start that on a happy note. I'm hoping to get the last chapter out by tomorrow, but I can't make any promises. And I know that some of you might be angry with me for the way this story has turned out. But there isn't much I can do about that.  
><strong>

**I hope those of you who have read from the beginning have enjoyed this story, although it's not done quite yet. And I would also like to thank _butterflydance21_ for being an amazing friend and supporting every step I've taken with this story, no matter how off the deep end it was. You should truly go look at her stuff, it's great reading!**

* * *

><p>She was floating, flying almost and she knew she was dreaming because this John was smiling at her. But then she was falling, one of those dreams where you wake up before you hit the ground. Only this time she woke up, expecting that feeling to go away, but kept falling to the floor instead. Her half-awake state didn't allow her to understand what had happened.<p>

Until.

"What the fuck do think you're doing wearing my clothes and sleeping in my bed?"

The shout echoed through the room, and effectively woke her up. Kendall blinked a few times before her eyes finally focused on the fact that John was standing over her, his crutches underneath his arms, with an angry look on his face.

"John-"

"Did I tell you that you could wear my shirt or sleep in my bed?"

His voice was a touch quieter this time. But it still radiated in her head, bouncing around hard. "I didn't know I wasn't allowed to sleep here-"

A cynical laugh reached her ears, causing her to flinch. "You're a disgusting slut. Why would you be allowed to sleep here?"

She flinched harder. "I'm not-"

"You let your own brother fuck you. Bitch that shit isn't allowed in my house, much less my bed. The only reason you were let in is because I paid a lot of money for you," John snapped, not thinking about what he was saying.

At that, Kendall didn't have anything to say. He'd broken the last promise he'd made, it had only taken nearly six years, but he'd done it. He didn't want her anymore, not that he really wanted her to begin with. It hurt when she realized in the next second that she could be with a man who was actually in love with her, instead of a man who couldn't even stand to look at her.

"Take my fucking shirt off. You don't deserve to wear it." His voice was so cold; the icicles he was spitting at her were cutting her skin. "Now."

She looked down at herself, picturing the bruises the shirt hid, not wanting him to see her naked. Not wanting anyone to see her naked. Not wanting to see herself naked. "But-"

"If you don't take it off, I will. And trust me when I say that you won't like the way I take it off." His warning was loud and clear.

Ever so slowly, Kendall pulled at the hem of the shirt. Looking at the floor when she finally got it off, she waited for him to say something, anything. But he just stood there and looked at her. She cleared her throat, wanting to make something clear. "I never had sex with him."

Her voice might have been quiet, but John heard. "And the Easter Bunny is real."

"I'm not joking, John-"

"I don't care if you're joking or not. Do you want to know the last thing your brother said before I shot him?" Kendall shook her head, not wanting to hear it. "He said that he fucked you. Hard. And that you were begging for more."

Finally having enough, Kendall did something she'd never done to him. She raised her voice, so loud that her words echoed off the walls. "I did not have sex with him, John. I have never had sex with him. I've never wanted to have sex with him. I don't give a damn what he told you, he lied."

John rolled his eyes, not believing her. "Go shower. I need to bleach my damn sheets and probably my mattress too. You'll probably need to shower with bleach."

Kendall swallowed hard. He didn't understand the torture she'd already put herself through. And he was only making it worse.

**XXX**

She'd showered with the water burning hot. Then proceeded to scrub as hard as she could, bleeding in some places, but not caring. John had made her feel disgusting all over again. Wrapping a towel around her body, Kendall hissed when the rough fabric rubbed against the sores she'd created. She walked into what had once been her closet, finding clothes from when she'd first moved in and was surprised to find that they actually fit.

When she was fully dressed, she wandered down to the kitchen. Food was the furthest thing from her mind, but knowing John that was probably where he was. Sure enough he was going through the fridge when she got there.

"Am I clean enough now?" she asked, knowing she'd left enough skin for him to see the parts she'd rubbed so raw they were still bleeding.

John scoffed without looking at her, "Probably not."

Deciding that she would probably get yelled at for sitting down on one of his precious seats, Kendall stood in the middle of the room. She didn't want to touch anything, fearing that she would get her 'germs' on it and make him mad. It was a painful feeling, knowing she'd given Trent up for this. To be humiliated for something she'd had no control over, for something she wasn't allowed to defend.

"John?"

"What the fuck do you want, bitch?"

She flinched again. And while her mind thought about saying one thing, she quietly responded with, "What do you want me to do?"

John growled, "I want you to get the fuck out of my house and stay out."

"Umm-"

"Now, you stupid bitch. What don't you understand about that?"

So she did. She walked out the door, to the only person she hoped she could trust, and asked her to call Trent. And then, the two of them disappeared.


	27. Chapter 27Epilogue

**Alrighty, guys. Here it is, the last chapter of SMHTL which is more like and epilogue than anything. Thank you all so much for the reviews and favorites and alerts on this story. They really do give me inspiration to post more, although I'd never stop posting because of a lack of reviews. **

**I'm not sure if I'll do a trilogy. It depends on if something comes to me or not. I will definitely let you know by posting an A/N on this story as well as on HTL.  
><strong>

**A big huge gigantic thank you to _butterflydance21_ for her amazing input, it means the world to me. And you should all go check her stuff out!  
><strong>

**I'm kind of sad to see this story go, but as I said in the last chapter, I'm starting a new journey in my own life and I'm not sure this story is part of it. Hopefully I'll be able to work more on my other stories that I have been neglecting due to lack to time and energy and ideas in general.  
><strong>

**Again, thanks so much for everything! You're all pretty great and I hope we get to meet again soon on a different story!**

* * *

><p>The door slammed in his face before John could reach it and he growled under his breath. If that boy didn't get his act together, then he was seriously going to make him. John was pissed, it was the third time in as many weeks that he'd gotten a call from Nova's school to come pick him up. He'd been acting out since, well; honestly, Nova had been acting out for the past 11 years.<p>

John took a deep breath and opened the front door. "Fucking seventeen years old and you can't control yourself at school. How do you think this is going to look to the colleges you're going to apply to in the fall?"

Nova scoffed from the kitchen. "I'm not applying to college."

"What?"

The roar literally shook everything hanging on the walls in the hallway John was standing in. He didn't care much, though.

"I'm. Not. Going. To. College." Nova repeated himself slowly, as if his father hadn't understood what he'd just said. No, there was only one place he was going and it sure as hell wasn't college. Maybe he'd go when he got there.

"Damn it, Nova. You are going to college and don't fucking argue with me. You'll do what I say because you will not like the consequences," John said, keeping his tone calm although he was fighting an inner battle to remain that way.

"Like the consequences you gave my mom?" Nova shot back. "Are you going to tell me to get out of your house too? And what have I said about calling me Nova. My name is Anthony."

John looked at his son in shock. He didn't know that any of his kids knew what happen the day their mother left, having told them that she'd gone to get something from the store and never came back. "I didn't tell her to get-"

"Don't you dare lie to me. You've lied to us for 11 years; do not lie to me when I know the whole truth."

"Nova-"

"My name is ANTHONY!"

"Fine, Anthony. I don't know why you think I told her to get out of my house-"

"Because I know the truth. I know what happened the week that she was gone, when you got shot. I remember you hitting her when I was like five. I remember you burning her arm when she was pregnant with Keith. I remember you treating her like shit when she did nothing but love you. She gave you everything. And you gave her nothing," Nova spat.

"I'm not going to stand here and argue something that you know nothing about-"

"I know that her family's men shot you in the leg. I know that they tried to shoot Nana but my mom jumped on her and got her out of the way. I know that her brother kidnapped her and tied her up. She couldn't move her arms or her legs." Nova took a deep breath before continuing. "I know that he molested her and she couldn't do a damn thing about it no matter how much she begged him to stop. I know that Aunt Tasha's brother saved my mom. I know that when she finally got back home you treated her like something that wasn't worth breathing. I know that you told her she should take a shower in bleach because you were so disgusted by the fact that her brother had touched her.

"You were disgusted by something she had no control over. You told her she didn't have the right to sleep in your bed, to be in your house. I know that when she asked you what you wanted her to do that you told her you wanted her to get out of your house and to stay out of it.

"And I also know that my mom loved you. She was so in love with you and she put up with all of the emotional and mental and physical abuse because she wished with all of her heart that you would love her back one day. But apparently that was too hard for you. Apparently, you don't know how to love. And you made me grow up without a mother because your heart is black and cold."

There was silence in the kitchen as the two men had a staring contest. But before John could break it by asking Nova where he'd gotten his information from, another voice asked a more important question.

"You told her to leave?" John whipped around, seeing Nova's twin sister Noelle standing in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest. "He's lying, right? You would never tell her to leave. You did love her." When he remained silent, Noelle started pleading. "Tell me he's lying. Daddy, please?"

"Do you see what you've done?" Nova asked. "Do you see what you've done to our family?"

"Damn it, Nova Anthony. Just shut the fuck up for a minute. Let me think."

"If it weren't true you wouldn't need to think. You would just simply tell me that Anth's wrong and you're right." Noelle took a breath, nodding to herself as if taking in the fact that her dad had lied to her for so long. "Is everything he said true?"

"Elle-"

"It's a yes or no question answer, Dad."

"Yes, he's telling the truth," John admitted.

**XXX**

"Are you sure this is such a good idea?"

"Yes, T. I need to see them. I don't care what he says anymore. They are a part of me and I've gone without them for far too long."

"I can understand then, but-"

"No buts. We're already here, may as well go all the way. What's the point in backing out now?"

**XXX**

John rolled his eyes as he walked upstairs and saw the bedroom doors of his three oldest kids wide open, all of them throwing things into a duffel bag and backpack. "What do you guys think you're doing?"

"I'm not staying here with you. You lied to me. You made me believe that my mom left, that she didn't want me." Noelle shook her head and scoffed. "God, how could I have been so stupid? It was you that didn't want her. Why would you want us? We're part of her, or do you just hate that part of us?"

"Elle, come on. It's not like that."

"Oh, no. I definitely agree," Alanna stepped in, not bothering to look at him while she was talking. "You've lied to us for years. I lost my parents once, but I had no choice in the matter. This time, you took her away from us. And that isn't fair at all."

"Al-"

"I think we're done having this conversation." Nova hefted his backpack onto his back and pulled his duffle over his shoulder, walking across the hall to help the girls with theirs. "We're not staying here and that's final. When I see Keith, I'll ask him what he thinks. Although, I'm pretty sure he'll be indifferent because he doesn't have any memories of her."

"Thanks to you," Alanna muttered.

The three of them walked down to the main floor of the house, suddenly feeling as if the large building were too small and they couldn't even breathe. Nova opened the front door, smiling as he thought about his freedom and where he was going just as soon as he graduated. Maybe now he'd take his sisters, maybe even Keith.

His smile froze as did the fist that was poised to knock on the door he'd just opened. His eyes opened wide, taking in the person in front of him and not really believing that it was true. Nova chanced a glance at his sisters, seeing they had the same shocked expression on their faces, and knew it was real.

She was standing in front of them. His mother. After 11 years, they were finally together.

Nova ushered them out the door quickly, hearing John stomping down the stairs. "Mom?"


End file.
